Reason my parents still have their 1998 Ford Windstar with 280,000+ miles: It can haul a lot of cargo.

Even worse, I've seen trucks with 5th wheel 30 ft campers...plus a 21 ft boat. A MOTHERFUCKING BOAT!!!! It has twice the turning points as a semi. Regular license is all you need and you can screw up faster than a union electrician screwing in a lightbulb seconds before break starts.

Try commuting to work at 3:30 AM while driving 1:15 and 85 miles (45 -Interstate, 30-Highway, 10-City) on I-90 in South Dakota. Sunflower seeds are my weapon of choice. Thankfully it' only four days a week.

I hit the U-Haul office at around 8AM the day we were scheduled for The Job.

I'd also take a Cat-powered bike. My buddy bought a Perkins 1.0 or 1.1L engine and he's custom designing and making his bike frame around it.

This. I want this so badly...

I have to agree with you on this one, Damon. I'm all for gallows/black humor, but that doesn't mean I like seeing that as a front page article. I currently live in the Black Hills and went to school here for the past five years. We 'Sout' Dakohtans' have a hard enough time dealing with outsiders looking down their…