Parenthood: one long lifetime of terrors.

Ugh, there is NO making my mother happy.

Yeah, but He can't stop people being mean to Carrie Underwood.

One of the things I love about her album is that it isn't just feminism, it's Black feminism. Pretty Hurts contains a call-out to beauty standards based on whiteness. Flawless contains a quote on feminism not just from a feminist, but from a Nigerian feminist.

Space bears.

"Men are the number on cause of death in women." - Louis C.K.

I love a man who likes to be pegged.

I like to tell people that, statistically speaking, pullout is pretty effective (75-85%), according to Planned Parenthood and other reputable healthcare providers. I also like to tell them I got pregnant twice this way, though I was very much, thank god, in the "not trying, not preventing" camp.

The thing I always wonder about with people who use the pull out method (and actually really don't want to get pregnant) is, do they never have drunk sex? Because relying on a method that requires a significant amount of self-control and bodily awareness while drunk seems like a terrible idea.

i think the fact that this method is almost entirely the man's responsibility should be noted. men who don't want children... get a vasectomy. men who want to feel some kind of control of your partner's potential pregnancy but don't want to get snipped: this is pretty much your only option. and it's not great. so.…

The best non-hormonal birthcontrol is the mouth and butt.

I used to fly enough to probably have elevated cancer risk, so I'm like, an expert and stuff. Also, a lot of this is going to come out really cranky because I'm sick and hate everything right now.

Pulling out is a great birth control method if you aren't trying, and you also aren't not trying.

No. If you fart on the plane, you should be ejected without your goddamned "flotation device." There is no excuse. Either hold it like a polite person on a first date and then let fly in the bathroom (one reason why I sit in the middle of the plane) or just... hold it. Not that difficult.

If you're on a plane, do NOT talk to me. I will shut you the fuck down. I don't want to hear about your family. I don't want to hear about jesus. I don't want to hear about your boring-ass job in Boring Ass, America.

I'm wondering how exactly she's planning on making money or gaining fame while paying a lawyer and keeping her name secret.

So it's fine for beyonce to contribute to the male gaze because you like her but miley cyrus is not doing it right?

I thought that "moves like Jagger" lyric was "moose vagina" for MONTHS.