Metabolism slows down in one's 40s. Fuck off.

Their coffee is Dran-O strength.

Ugh, gonna skip the "Animals" episode

If Loving Roger Waters is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Rick Wright

I think ¡Jeb! only could have pulled it off had those "Aww, it looks like W and Michelle are cuddly pals" images had happened earlier in the primary season. Made everyone start acting like the Bushes weren't kind of terrible.

When Streams of Consciousness Become Golden Showers

Well, yeah! Trump energizing the white nationalists was honestly the GOP's best chance at winning (other than, say, updating their platform past 1963).

I think Cruz might have weaseled in there had there not be a Trump. He could have locked up the crazy racists AND the crazy evangelicals.

It's like a Camille Cosby thing where people still want her to be the long-suffering family member who rises above it.

Are you suggesting he isn't doing it yet, she hasn't realized it yet, or he isn't senile yet?

Maybe someone will figure out how to monetize racist memes?

When you someone eat Vince Foster's body

I was just thinking how much more I liked Eric Clapton back when he was the lead guitar player everyone hired, before he realized he'd earn more coke money as a solo act.

Kim Shattuck
(a) is pretty damn cool in her own right
(b) toured with the band for two months
(c) isn't allowed to have fun at a show?

57 Channels and Nothing But an Unedited Trump Speech Is On

Hey little girl is your daddy home / Oh that's right I am your dad / Hey girl

Frogs all wearing swastika shirts, twitter egg all asking if frog makes you cry…

The barrel has many bottoms.

Yeah but they were able to get McCounaghey during peak hunkiness. Gotta make his character more likable!

It's a coping and pasting mechanism to get through the trauma of having a new Smurfs movie every couple years.