If Alf really does eat cats, I'd report his flea-bitten ass in a heartbeat.

Heh, solid #2. Heh.

…of Cock walks in with his twin sister.
2 things: Whoa, I'm seeing double…four cocks!
Dawes: Who's that?
of Cock: This is my sister. Her name? You guessed it, Frank Stallone!
Audience laughs confusedly

Unlike Claremont, some of us aim for readable dialogue.
(I have nothing but respect for Claremont.)

"I'm nigh invulnerable when I'm forcefully subjecting you to my religious dogma!"

Who else will quell the Demon Bear?

He learned the hard way to never headbang.

Someone was inspired by the TMNT remake? I find that dubious.

Let this be a lesson to you; never learn otherwise.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shel Silverstein is a bad influence.

I think he's under a different name, like I Hate [some anime character who's name starts with a 'K'], with the avatar of a laptop with like a stick pointing at it.

I'm gonna need Mohd to translate some of these references. Actually, nah, never mind.

Quit plagiarizing my wedding vows!

"My name is Nobody."

I am not a racist. I may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, an early 20th century Anglophile New England agoraphobic weird fiction writer, but I am not an antiquarian.

I was expecting a Lovecraft joke.

I wasn't implying I want her to wind up dead, wrapped in plastic; I just want lots of sex and oversaturated red lighting.

In middle school a friend stole a copy of Edward Penishands from his dad. We watched it to laugh at it, which we did for a few minutes, but then there was a lot of awkward silence as we kept watching.

Oh, Good one.

While hiking a few years back I came across some boys looking at waterlogged porn, and they scattered when they saw me. I too found waterlogged woods-porn as a kid. It's sad to think this tradition is dying out.