"Puny German."

Yeah, I'm the asshole that likes to ask why the mushrooms are certified organic.

A Carrot Top show?

Gut Instinct/Intuition

Oh do tell, how did those horrid women make him say racist things?

It's all fun and games until it's you who is downwind from the Cubs.

I might be one of those kids myself, but my mother recently remarked on the prevalence of describing something long as "taking a minute." It's an expression I fell I've always used.

And the best part is that it is so cold that it doesn't have to be refrigerated!

I just assumed the warm welcome was the kind I'm used to. Ach! Live and learn!

On the other hand, they are far from the first bros to win the trophy.

Michael Richards: [opens mailbox] Publisher's Clearinghouse? I may have ALREADY won? Guess I don't need you anymore, Jerry! [music plays]

We fully agree—Alex Ovechkin and Henrik Lundqvist.

Eli Manning had a pretty sweet night too. He at two Happy Meals and hung out in the ball pit at a McDonald's Play Place for HOURS.

What often happens with guacamole is that, because moles are so small, people substitute squirrel and then you get to know what sadness tastes like. And don't get me started on people who use canned guaca.

I got a 7 a.m. hockey game tomorrow. I gotta get drunk fast tonight so I can be in bed by 11!

My old Canadian uncle (hardcore Leafs fan tho) endorses this philosophy: "Anyone but an American team for the Cup."

They should make ads for Gatorade and Under Armor for older guys and show them moving a bookcase and drinking a Gatorade. Or maybe a guy working a grill in an Under Armor shirt.

Boo. At least come up with a joke.