After watching the replay, I’m confused about why there was no penalty after the first attempt. Guys from the Ravens clearly jumped out ahead of the line of scrimmage, so isn’t that an offsides penalty? The Chiefs sideline seemed pissed about it, and I don’t understand it either. 

I love this chart so much that I want to make sweet, sweet love to it.

I hope Kyle Schwarber gets hit by a bus.

I kind of took a shit on him after he left here to go sign the $$$$ in New York, but goddamn if he didn’t pour his entire heart and soul into everything he did back then. How many times did we run him out there on short rest because he was THE ENTIRE rotation back then? He came into Milwaukee, pretty much picked up…

Yeah, I really do appreciate the capital that Delta has put into their jets. They really have made the on-plane experience about as good as it can be. I love the free entertainment options. My only complaints with Delta are the aforementioned issues I’ve run across while traveling with my family, and the fact that…

Yeah, it’s almost like the gate agents just make up the rules as they go along.

None of it’s free, but that’s only because Illinois fucking sucks. Wisconsin doesn’t have any tolls. We just pay for our roads the old fashioned way - we don’t. 

We do call our home state (Wisconsin) the “State Park of Illinois.” Thanks for your patronage. I am gonna nuke Lake Geneva one of these days, though. So fucking tired of all of the yuppy-ass Suburban drivers going 65 in the left lane (I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our Interstates now have 70 mph speed limits!)

Ugh... “Mixed answers” is the most frustrating thing ever. As I just commented to someone else, Delta denied us “family boarding” once when we had our 6 month old on a flight, and it really pissed me off. I’m never reaching “unobtainum” status with you, so just let my family and I enjoy early boarding one goddamn time…

Fuckin’ Delta tried that once with me, too. They changed aircraft after we’d already booked everything, so then of course the new plane isn’t configured the same way as the original, and seat assignments got all jacked up. I’ve never had issues with any other airline, but Delta continues to suck. They even tried to…

Oh, I’m not pretending. I don’t know what the fuck this is all about. I mean, personally, I’d probably tweet a bag of dicks, and hope that Schefter eats them. But what do I know?

A meteor strike? Nuclear plant explosion? The apocalypse itself, just to take me away from it all? 

I know that this problem isn’t uniquely American, of course, but part of me also wonders if all of us have just been so conditioned by the whole “innocent until proven guilty” mantra that we just assume that he’s innocent until a court somewhere says he’s not? When you have 2 differing sets of facts, does society jump…

“Sounds like a stable genius to me!”

You think that the Dolphins are going to win 3 games this year, Barry???? Hahahahahahahaha.

Title of your sex tape?

This was a lot of words to say what I said last night, Lauren. “Totally, unequivocally fucked.”

Yeah, but they got a QB with a normal-sized dong for 3, so it gives hope to the rest of us.

Stop making sense, dammit. This is the Mets, remember?

OH GOD, thank you for reminding me about that god-awful hockey puck. That was one of the least necessary additions to sports television ever. What’d they call that, FoxTrax or some shit?