I will never have children now, simply for fear of getting that look from my toddler. How could you go on living? How could you pretend to the world that you're a successful adult who enjoys life?

What consenting adults and jelly beans do in the privacy of their own homes is nobody's business.

Me too. I was like, boy, have I been doing jelly beans wrong.

Wait, hold on, did you mean that jelly beans are like crack to you? Because my initial reaction was that I got really confused about why you were talking about your butt.

Where the fuck else do you get popcorn-flavored jelly beans, I ask you?

Is anyone else in love with the fact that over the past six years, these two have gone from not particularly liking each other to becoming America's favorite buddy cop movie?

Literally the ONLY candy I buy purposefully. Everything else is like "eh, maybe a Reese's sounds good, why not?" once a year, but JB? I'm like FUCK YES MARGARITA! FUCK YES mix those bitches for a root beer float + cherry!

Teeth. Teeth errywhere.

I'm a furnace who's always freezing, he's a normal-temped person who's always over heating, so I basically chase him across the bed across all seasons. "But I'm freezing and I loooove you!" "Holy crap, woman, you're on fire! Get off, get off!"

Oh for fucks sake.

Now we are sleep-distance shaming and sad-shaming? Jesus I don't have time for this.

That's weird because when they talk, all I hear is the Swedish Chef.

I am a mom and it is definitely a lot of work. Different work than my 8-5 corporate gig, but certainly work. But this bugs me for a few reasons.

This is all over my feeds, like the universe wanted to give me more reasons to hide and block more people. And the whole a mother does x, y and z professions for free is so fucking insulting on so many levels to so many people...