Daytona. Duh.

And Loma-Linares!

It would be pretty amazing if Bellator was able to generate millions of new fans from a TV audience of about 45,000 insanely low-standard-having mega fans.

My man! My scorecard looks different than yours but that’s what Gamboa-JuanMa bets are for.

Pretty obvious that there is no defense for the Lions, but nevertheless watch as Matt Millen proceeds to draft 3 more failed background check services in the first round.

[genuflects]

PS - masterful writing, as usual.

Nah.

Oh HamNo, HamNo, HamNo. Look how old we are. It seems like yesterday we were preemptively betting the Gamboa-JuanMa fight and now the only question is which ended up being a bigger disappointment.

Yeah, but have you ever seen a fish with a sunburn? Check and mate, Lindsey.

Also being hit by a bunch of unwanted pitches right now? Equifax customers.

/Elvis Presley fist pump

Lest we forget, Webb was also the guy who broke up Brett Favre’s consecutive games streak, making this the second time he’s been brought in to cover up an unconcealed croc.

Damnit. RIP, MCA.

Do not hate LaVar Bell. You are playing right into Lavar Bell’s hands if you hate Lavar Bell. You are giving him more power by hating, you are enhancing his image if you hate him, you are making him larger if you hate him. Like Freddy Krueger in the first Elm Street.

In related news, the City of Cleveland issued a public apology for taking a knee from 1972-2015.

Fall is the season Summer ends, ergo it is the best season. Fuck summer.

So I guess Chris Christie shits blood every time he walks more than 10 feet? Well, blood and ham, probably.

Jesus Christ, that was great. I’m now going to burn all my columns and not write anything else until I can do something like this (never).

*Wut?