Can we all agree that that "tangy zip of Miracle Whip" is not mayo, is vile and has actually caused me irreperable harm?

I don't trust people who say that they don't like mayonnaise. It's like saying, "I don't like weekends" or "I don't like fun."

sorry, but there's a reason the world is going to hell in a pretentious hand cart and it's called "gender reveal cake".

People are really fucking stupid when it comes to food.

Confession time: I once went on a second date with a guy who ordered a beautiful $40 steak well done. I ordered mine just shy of med- rare. I never went out with him after that and couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was because of how he ordered his steak.

White people food **eye roll**

I've been a waiter, bartender, manager and cook in restaurants, and I've been in a variety of telecom roles, both in sales and engineering. One of my favorites was the phone company that was threatening to pull out their $35,000 modem rack back in 1999 because the dial-up connections kept dropping at 5pm, and their…

"Elders" be damned, bullies are bullies wherever they go, and it's usually because no one ever calls them on it. I once told my grandmother, who was a 24 carat gold-plated 4-alarm bitch on wheels that old people who were jerks and who yelled "WHY?!? AM I EMBARRASSING YOU?!?" were the first to be put in a home.

i have literally only seen that behavior done by toddlers, incarcerated youths/adults (prison or mental health care facility), and a handful of just downright loony-bins. one time i found a sink full of bloody water and a used tampon. it was a starbucks on a slow afternoon- only one female patron in there. i asked her…

I was never a server, but I was the "manager" who handled complainers (actually, a cook). I just wore my white jacket and hat out to the dining room and ... carried a French knife. That's how you do it.

That's when a guy walks up with the missing forty dollars and tells the woman it was on the floor by their table. To which she says "bullshit" and storms out saying that I'm a fucking thief. Moral of the story is, don't give small children lots of cash.

I imagine that guy probably paid out of his own pocket to make the…

It seems appropriate to bring this back:

When I was in my early twenties, my dad had surgery. It was similar to gastric bypass, and not considered life-threatening. According to the surgeon, who specialized in this particular type of surgery, his changes of survival were 95%. So we weren't especially worried.

This isn't a scary story at all, but it is slightly spooky in the sense that I feel like I had a message from beyond the grave.

Scary Story?... okay

Even the Wire would have been improved with a couple of raptors in Omar's posse.

My favorite thing in the world is when people spend 10 minutes arguing with you about how they "don't have time" for something... Well, that's great, then go fix the problem and quit whining to me like I'm your mom...

My first restaurant job, at a Buca di Beppo. A wedding party of about 40 people took up the large room, they were having fun and getting absolutely wrecked on shitty wine, it was a great time, but as the night wore on, they simply would not leave. We closed at 11, and 12:30 comes and goes and they're still at it. …

The second one reminded me of a woman that I used to have to deal with...

it's pronounced "bouquet"!!