The brand name washlets are pricy (upwards of $1k) but... they're great. And it's like a good mattress, you're going to use it every day.

I was DELIGHTED to find out that there are a lot of cheap alternatives to the Toto Washlet that you can buy and install in the US/Canada. I got used to having the bidet while living abroad and it's a tough thing to give up.

This works :) My usually-dining-out-with-good-tippers privilege is showing, eh?

Every time a server overhears you say "Oh, don't worry, I'll put it all on my card and we can work it out later," choirs of angels sing.

Haha, yes, this is all exceedingly familiar. Teens, wasteoids and teenage wasteoids in smoking and a table of cops and like one lone middle-aged couple in non-smoking... and YOU as the lone "authority figure." Whee!

Ouch, a Sweet n Low cinnamon bun sounds INTIMIDATINGLY bad.

We had this "Reese's Peanut Butter Pie" that was undoubtedly assembled at an undisclosed central kitchen by unpaid labor, and made out of nothing but pure MSG and hydrogenated corn oil and HFCS... but god damn it was good. Especially if you put it in the shake blender with a scoop of vanilla and a few tbsps of…

Of course, the legit choices — but for the elderly, a server saying the words "rare" and "mid-rare" are totally indecipherable supersonic whispers, like a dog whistle to the rest of us.

The people who hang around afterward and continue to eat are definitely the weirdest. 90% sure I had a guy order a slice of pie after his ex left in a huff.

It never bothered me too much and with more perspective I definitely understand why some people have to do it in a restaurant — but WOW it's awkward. It was one of the few times I was thankful that all the payment was done at the host station — I could just slip the bill down between jags of wrenching sobs and avoid…

There is definitely a difference between a nice tenderloin that's still cool in the center and a big tendon-y chunk of shoulder steak. That's funny that it's opposite — if we cook at home we STILL have to make a big show out of how we "dropped grandma's in the coals" so she knows it's safe, LOL

Haha, I love this. "Oh, honey, I don't know why everyone says tenderloin is difficult to get right!" *removes smoking charred space turd from oven*

The no pink rule sounds very familiar — my grandmother also nixes anything with a bone, so no chicken wings, pork chops, drumsticks, etc. Meanwhile I'm 100% certain there are creatures I've eaten raw but never cooked (hamachi, for sure) and LIVE for barely-cooked carne asada... On the other hand, I gag when I think…

I WEEP. Overcooked fish filet = magical bendy fish-chip.

Is this a new thing as she's getting older? It is so weird! I know your taste buds kind of dull as you age but.... texture? Moisture? LOL totally bizarre.

I always wonder where that attitude comes from! With older people and meat, I always assume it's a holdover from the days when pork was fed table scraps and you could get trichinosis from undercooked pork, but that's long since a thing of the past. But the vegetable thing is really baffling. I'll eat vegetables any…

I always wonder if there was an actual preference at work or if they just didn't want to see any pinkness. "I want shoe leather, but NOT hockey puck. Capiche?!"

Yeah, you've got something meant to be hot and crispy and... you put it on something moist and chilly? Uh...? Maybe it's regional.

My grandmother does this too. When I worked family dining, we called extra well done steak and burger orders "senior specials." Mid > Mid-Well > Well > Burnt > Inedible > Senior.

Speaking of therapist servers, have you ever heard that piece of advice that if you think a break up is going to go poorly you should do it in public? I can't count the number of breakups I've waited on. And that was at Denny's, so it wasn't even like "let's commemorate this amazing run with a final dinner," it was…