If Ariana Grande isn't a baby, then why did she sing the word "baby" that one time and then again that other time?

Doing what I must. You're all welcome.

Plausible reasoning, but what I don't hear are Ariana's feet, gently pitter-pattering on solid ground.

On the other hand, THIIIIIIIIS.

"HEH-HEH-HELLOOOO"

In the immortal words of Cher: "SIT ON YOU OWN DAMN FACE !! IM BUSY !!"

You have really outdone yourself today, Mark.

Because even sorta-not-really paying non-union "actors" on reality shows was apparently too expensive for TV networks.

Literally Bicentennial Woman.

This is amazing, much like his 17-layer bow tie. That thing's gotta violate SOMETHING in Leviticus.

Yeah, "Broke With Expensive Taste" wasn't bad or anything, but it doesn't even come close to "1991" or "FANTASEA." Ugh, my summer '12 playlists were the best, and she was SOOOOO responsible for that.

She looks so PROFESSIONAL and GLASSES. You're right.

"Hobocamp."

Oh my god, after Tinashe's less-than-impressive performances on "Wendy Williams" and BET, I thought we'd NEVER get a good live video for "2 On." I'm so happy right now. I don't know what to do with myself. Wait, yes I do. Scream "YESSSS" at my computer.

Oh my god, audible gasp at "This is the drunk tattoo of DJ Mustard's career."

And if Alessandra Stanley's atrocious, racist, and straight-up factually incorrect "How To Get Away With Murder"/Shonda Rhimes thinkpiece is any indication, not much, if anything, has changed behind the scenes of the NYT.

The right side of Ariana Grande's face.

The ushers, who were robots

The bar is set pretty low for the NYT when "didn't evoke the Mammy stereotype" is the only positive thing you can say about a piece of their writing.

Everyone leave the room.