We will start by seizing Yakov's Theatre in Branson, Missouri.

I got an Endless Summer Surf Trip notification for this?

I stayed at the Hilton in Hanoi last year and I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. Great location, but dated rooms, the breakfast buffet was decidedly sub-par and the wi-fi didn't work. No wonder McCain was so pissed off, that place wasn't worth any of my Hilton Honors Points.

Weak turnout in South Florida.

That'll be the Ostend of you though.

Actually the Belgian flag dates from 1830— a unified Germany didn't exist for another 40 years and the colors of the future German flag only started being used in the pre-unification period in the 1840s by the German Confederation—though the German Empire then would use a red, white, and black flag after…

No, Ronald McDonald was the least liked member of Sinn Fein.

Ironically this is exactly how Belgium took over the Congo.

She's goes back again and helps free the slaves with John Brown five years later—-that's the sequel.

Okay, but I'll vouch for Garry Kasparov, he's alright.

Does the grass match the knoll?

It was in my Kathy Griffin fan fiction—she goes back in time and takes out Franklin Pierce which manages to prevent the Civil War.

In Soviet Russia, AV clubs you!

There's a certain breed of asshole who likes to think they "tell it like it is" and aren't partisan in their beliefs because they like to tell off anyone—but then the more they talk you realize that they're just really confident in their lack of actual knowledge and are just repeating stuff they read somewhere…

Patrick Stewart

"I hate every Dave I see: From Dave Couli-a to Dave Couli-z"

Cultural appropriation.

I'm the King of Kong, there is none higher,
Sucker ass apes, should call me sire,
To burn my high score, you must use fire,
I won't stop jumping barrels till I retire

I heard some voters who voted absentee earlier asked if they could change their vote(which isn't legally an option)…which was too late at that point.

My IQ is just a few points below the cutoff for genius-level and my wife's IQ is a few points above it—-so I'm just waiting for moments when she makes a mistake and then I'm like—"So now who's a genius, smartypants!"