When did David O. Russell change his name to Adam McKay?

I would have calmly walked out of the jury box, approached the bench and said excuse me judge, can I ask you something, and put my fist through his face. My two cousins were raped and molested by family who were supposed to protect them. They confided to me when I was only 15 and they were 12 and 13. I was an idiot. I…

I have never been so proud in my life. History will judge him kindly.

Sarah’s extended family are bad ass motherfuckers and their unconditional love will be her sanctuary. I’d love to buy them all a drink and shake their hands. They have saved this beautiful girls life.

Mrs. Court and I have watched seasons 1-11 twice over on Netflix. Never fails to absolutely entertain!

Oh thank god I am drunk.

Dear Hosers, now is the time to stop your moral fucking posturing.

Darts

President Obama attended Punahou High School on the island of Oahu. I, as the son of a Marine Corp Colonel attended St. Louis High School as a 7th grader in 1990, so of course we were not contemporaries. Punahou is routinely voted the finest private school in the USA. At St. Louis we were the Polynesians, the…

I’m gonna need those TPS reports, ok?

Dear Mr. President, Thank you. I am going to miss you terribly. You done good sir. You handled the hate with immeasurable strength and dignity.

Things I would rather do with 900 dollars than see Hamilton, ranked: 1. Burn 900 dollars 2. 5 day all inclusive stay in Sri Lanka including flight. ( wife and I have done this for 890 dollars total) 3. Order 900 double cheeseburgers. 4. Attend 30 Baltimore Orioles games. 5. Flush the money down the toilet. 6.…

Fag, not cigarette. Poof, not fag. Circuits, not laps. Trainers, not sneakers. Kit, not uniform. Fixture, not match or game. Pitch, not field. Form, not shape. Fancy, not like. Flat, not apartment. Levels, not grades. Nutters, not crazies. Boot, not trunk. Petrol, not gasoline. Kilometers, not miles. Evening, not…

I live in Dubai. It’s nearly 10pm here and the Muslim weekend is Friday and Saturday.

I’m drunk off my mind, but even sober I would be crying the same tears of laughter I am now. Christ my stomach hurts.

I will tell my wife that!! We get the same here in Dubai, but no codeine of course.

Take 5 and pretend you are attacking The Death Star.

Criminal Minds episode STAT! Shemar Moore is my wife’s biggest crush and she can have at him. It would be a crime to deny it.