my man only knows one way to play: FULL THROTTLE

After the game, Odell Beckham Jr. told reporters that he was more concerned with Humphrey’s erection during the play, as well as his own.

When I was there, they used to leave a huge stack of tickets for students on the desk near the entrance of the dorms. We used to wallpaper people’s rooms with them. Glory days!

I hate my alma mater for thinking it needs to be, or is even capable of being, a good football team.

When you need a huge pile of garbage cleaned up in New Jersey, Nunzio is the guy.

trying to spread an 11 yard field for a quarterback that’s broken his collarbone twice is a great way to blow the season, at least 6 pass attempts just blew the game

Craig James killed five hookers the Packers.

I don’t really know why. Money always wins. Sony knows they’ll make more money with Marvel rather than against Marvel. 

tell that to uncle ben

I was surprised that Robert Kraft would explode like that after getting jerked around by his receiver.

The play here was the big hit. He needed to jar the ball loose. He didn’t leave his feet and was aiming for shoulder-first contact. He just missed.

The tattoo artist misspelled Unemployable, but it gets the message across.

The kid who killed John Wick’s dog had a better chance. 

I think you mean 24our/7even

I know your question was mostly rhetorical, but I actually expected Belichick would have been the anti-Brown voice. Not because of any particular moral virtue but because I expected his calculus would boil down to, “I’m a great coach who can win with anybody and I believe that the distraction caused by Brown would…

Some guys don’t like shopping in the boys department.

As a 5'9" woman, any man who has ever told me he's 5'11" has never been a millimeter over 5'8". Like I don't have eyes. So, it's not like I'm breaking out a measuring tape for a distance I likely won't be able to verify without it. You would likely be eye to eye with me in the shoes I wear daily. 

Because the Lollipop Guild is full, short stack.

Because that’s short.