You ever notice how no one that can talk to God ever says that He told them to shut up?

Shut the fuck up, bootlicker.

You’re a fucking moron.

Pro tip from a woman: If you want to “respect your wife,” then don’t cheat on her, or flirt with other women, or be a prop in an administration that is an international embarrassment. None of that precludes you from have a normal business relationship with other women, which often includes eating. You know, the thing…

The really great thing is, you don’t have to be alone with a woman to take away her access to health care.

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.

Jk Rowling rocks. She has been vocal in the criticism of you know who.

Judge Randy Stoker should be bombarded with actual mail to his home address, since, ya know — he hates the Internet and thinks it’s a good excuse for rape. But since I’m not privy his home address, he can be reached here:

I’m totally down with Franken, Markley, and Yates as names for the hat.

Can we have Al Franken as her running mate?

This was the most inspired move by SNL in a long time. You just know its going to get under EVERYONE’S skin in the Trump Admin. Everyone knows Trump watches SNL like a hawk, here’s hoping next week’s Alec Baldwin ep is 100% Trump jokes. They fucking owe it to us after giving Dear Leader a whole show to himself.

This was pitch perfect. I’m pretty sure the real Spicer would love a podium he could pick up and beat people with.

She was so great; no mistakes, flubbed lines or delays, and total commitment to the character.

The sooner people realize McCarthy is in the top 5 of the funniest people who ever lived ever the better off we’ll all be.

In 2011, two bank tellers teamed up with a group of bulgars

NO!

Between the human asshole that is Donald, an actual Weiner, and reminders of Bill’s inability to keep it in his pants, it has never been clearer why we need more women in power.