I’m in my late 20’s. My ass is great. It’s not going to be looking like J. Lo’s at 40. I’ve seen my aunts and my mom, and I know my future.

When did Urban Outfitters become an expert at linguistics? Navajo is a very specific term referring to a sovereign nation and its people, not a general style. Any effort to make it into a general term seems to fly in the face of current laws. How can UO prove their point in court? I don’t get it.

What the hell, man? I avoided the damn rosebud article for sooo long. I knew it had to be gross. I knew it had to be something so weird, it would haunt my dreams. And here I am- the trusting idiot- clicking on possible Shrayber essays that I missed, and I get ROSEBUDDED. You final act is one of madness and…

I’d like to cross-stitch this shit into a nice pillow or something and have it on hand for parents/staff members that like to claim there is a Homecoming Controversy every fucking year.

Am I bitter? Hell yes, I am. The powers that be changed the voting process so that sponsors meet with their individual clubs/sports…

*lifts a glass in the air* And let me add to this already wonderful toast: Ms. Collins was classy as fuck while bringing forth the raunchiest stories. R.I.P.

Me too. I binge-watched it on Netflix (no basic television in our area; fuck cable). And when they broke up, I was in the middle of finishing off a bottle of wine. I cried so hard for a good three hours. It still hurts to think about. I don’t think I feel the same level of betrayal thinking of my breakups that I do…

Why do they leave him hanging? Confession: I don’t follow NFL. I mix up Tom Brady with other white dudes all the time, so I’m not 100% why his team would ignore him.

Thanks. I’m going to be thinking about this the whole time I take my father-in-law to go see this movie. He hates my love for fantasy/sci-fi and would rather watch old westerns. But we both love Hank Williams, and I thought this would be great for us to bond. Nope. Now I’ll be looking for other ways Hiddleston screwed…

I’ve been watching and re-watching this clip. Hearing the screams and seeing people run makes my chest hurt. I really don’t get how she can do that. Where the fuck is her humanity?

Here is my vagina doctor story. I do not go to doctors in general because I am an idiot. When I hit 30, I decided to be less of an idiot and go see a damn doctor. I found a great guy who really rocked with the bedside manner and made me feel 100% comfortable. Since I was a new patient, I had to see this doctor and ask…

This is my favorite SNL video. We love you, Natalie!

We can jam.

Me too. My best friend and I walked out of the movie, both liking it, and we realized that if we were at any other point in our lives, the movie would not have had the same impact. Same with Neighbors. My husband and I love that movie because at that point in our lives we struggled with moving on with our youth to be…

Nope. Ryan the Intern is not BJ Novak. Not acceptable.

I find Mindy Kaling and BJ Novak’s relationship to be one of the greatest, Will They or Won’t They. I’d watch a show based on them.

I’m not a big complainer. If I can’t fix it, then I just move on. But complaining must be a hobby for my husband. I snap at him, “Well, what are you going to do about it?” and he gets so offended. “Can’t I just talk? Aren’t you my wife? My partner?” and this makes me feel guilty.

Considering the outfits:

Baddie Winkie’s outfit, I’d totally marry. It will love me not matter how much weight I gain or lose. That’s the benefit of having a bleeding mouth next to your vagina.

Fuck the cutout dress. The holes make it convenient.

Kill Jillian Michael’s outfit, so it can be reunited with the ghosts of…

Okay. I’m playing the game in it’s best spirit (I hope).

Marry T-Swift’s outfit. Becuase I’m not really cool with crop tops, but those pants look like heaven to wear. Chill enough for around the house, cool enough to wear out, and just the right weird to embarrass any future children. Like that’s marriage material…

This has happened to me. I was by this huge wall of lube and it had a big sign saying NO GREASY FEELING-TRY IT. So I did. And yep, the sign was accurate. But this little blonde girl runs up to me, takes me through several varieties of lube, and then asks how I’m planning on using it. I pointed to the sign and said I…

Do not wish for an ass like that. Nikki has tailors and custom clothes made for her. Trying to find an affordable pair of jeans when you have booty is like trying to find the holy grail. The 300 dollar pairs will fit nicely, but I don’t have 300 dollars for rent, much less jeans.

*my ass isn’t even Nikki Minaj…