It’s... not good.

Somewhere, some country is all out of lotion.

Was teenager. Had SHO. Back when SHO was cool. Valet parked it at a garage, went to a three-hour-long dinner, at a restaurant with a convenient view of the street. During dinner, see what appears to be a twin of my SHO gunning the engine and attempting street-racing. In fact, looked uncannily like my SHO, but couldn’t…

A friend of mine worked as a valet in Orlando, meeting all kinds of celebrities, which led to a brief gig as a doorman at a fancy club in Las Vegas., which led to him now working at the Playboy Mansion. Just awful.

When I was 25 I once rolled up to a fancy restaurant in my 1997 aubergine-colored Dodge Stratus, and I left the keys with the valet. After a very nice meal at the restaurant, we headed outside and waited for the valet to return with my car. After about 5 minutes, imagine my horror when the valet returned with a 1997…

I was told that a lot was “valet only” when I was meeting people for dinner.

I drove up to the courthouse and tossed the keys to my Bentley at some random fellow. I dunno...he was dressed nice and all. Turns out he wasn’t a valet, and I never saw the car again. But who cares? It was almost out of fuel anyway. Plus, it was last year’s model.

Not quite a Valet story but I had to pull my car into a Tire Store bay once because no one there could drive stick shift.

I am acquainted with someone who once worked as a valet. He has not owned a vehicle himself for the entire 7 years I’ve known him. He drinks PBR by choice because he thinks it tastes good. He has knuckle tattoos. He once fell asleep, face down, in my front yard.

It’s an Avalon. I gaurantee they were standing right in front of the car and didn’t realize it.

I never knew that episode of Seinfeld was inspired by a true story. Remarkable.

Jerry, is that you?

“You fellas have nothing to worry about, I’m a professional”

Please do a follow-up post for people who need LESS self confidence. 8-)

Alpha <3

“Leave our alliances, fall back on a nuclear first use policy.” Does he understand just how F’ing dangerous that is?

Sounds like this is the real problem: he says it’s my fault for “never wanting to do anything.”

Let’s be clear “wife who wrote the letter”. It’s not all your husband’s fault. Whenever a relationship fails, very rarely does 100% of the blame fall on ONE person. It’s usually much closer to 50/50 than people realize.

How the fuck does a man in his 30's stay out all night until 5am? Does he not have a job or any responsibilities in life?

What, you don’t like being on fire?