Hahaha I love that! My mom’s maiden name is - no joke - Loser. Pronounced “low-sure.” She played a lot of sports growing up and had to deal with constant taunting. And my grandpa was all offended when my uncle added an I to his last name to avoid all that for his own kids! Side note: my mom was also almost named Gay.…

Your Mother:

I must forewarn – this story is kinda grim.

“Your punishment is to go to the store and get me some doritos. And cheesies. And those...whaddycallem...fuzzy peaches. Yeah.”

The summer after high school graduation and my boyfriend was staying the night from out of town. He slept in the guest room and, in the morning, I went in and laid on top of the covers next to him (with the door left open, of course, because rules). Soon after, two or three of our cats also jumped on the bed.

My mother became a Born Again Christian during my late middle school/early high school days. She was extremely passionate about her new beliefs and I was deep in the throes of teen angst and ran around with kids from a very liberal crowd (I grew up in a very small midwest town - thank goodness for their influence).…

Like I get most of these are going to be funny, but I have so many terrible terrible stories about my former alcoholic father. I think I’ve told this one before, but I can’t help but tell it again.

Your mom is everything.

I was seventeen and a senior in high school. The way it worked at my school was that we had prom and then we were off for about a month before graduation. It was during this period that my friends and I decided to buy/try weed for the first time. I’m naturally high strung so the whole process was such a debacle that I…

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

Seriously, if you are blasé about being on a yacht in St. Barths, you might as well just stop vacationing altogether, because there’s no pleasing you. She is just insufferable.

My pregnant sister made the exact same face as Kim when she found out it was not advised for her to go jet skiing, even very slowly, when we were at the lake a few weeks ago. Then she had a huge piece of cake, cried and took a nap.

I’m going to take the hardcore stance of being 100% pro-titties. Mine, others and men's...I love them all.

THIS WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS AND HONESTLY PROBABLY TOP TEN ESSAYS I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE I LEGIT CRIED LAUGHING

Seriously, sometimes it feels like most fashion designers dislike women and would rather just design for clothes hangers and mannequins.

I heartily endorse big-hipped women wearing bodycon dresses, in that the last time I wore a bodycon dress, literally every comment from my friends was ‘OMG YOUR CURVES’. Aw yeah. Also, I heartily endorse everyone wearing whatever the fuck they want at all times (unless you are wearing a pelt made from the skins of…

You know what I love about this drink? You can make it without buying any super expensive alcoholic beverage I’ve never heard of!

Ooh! I got one:

So I know everyone can do whatever they desire, but I really don’t enjoy when the mens shave it all off. It alarms the fuck out of me.

China does not fuck about when it comes to building stuff. I'll give them that.