I stand before you today a black woman with a shocking secret: I wasn’t born black.

Remember The Queens Court, that cyberbullying extravaganza popular YouTube show that vintage rapper Khia hosted with her homegirl Ts Madison? You know, the one where the “My Neck, My Back” rapper insulted everyone doing better than her which is the whole entire earth issued “hilarious” court rulings against your…

America’s got issues right now, y’all. The citrus in chief is about to get us nuked. Racists are racisting harder than ever. Shrimp went off sale at Publix.

I would cook up come elaborate explanation for my multi-week vacation, but I am unable to tell a lie: I spent the time offering spiritual guidance to Bow Wow. After much prayer and fasting, he has come to terms with the death of his career. Ase.

I have a confession: I’m the voter from hell.

I know what you’re thinking: Where have you been Hostile Negress? It’s been two weeks Hostile Negress! We need our fuckery and foolishness Hostile Negress! To that I say: Why you still talkin’ about old stuff? I’m back just in time to preach a sermon on this week’s episode of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5. Praise…

Fresh off the cacophony of questionable outfits, poor hosting skits and octoroon overcompensation that was the BET Awards, VH1 brought us an extra lit episode of Our Daily Shade, also known as Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5. Is it me or did Mona try to stuff everything under the sun into this episode - which…

After two foolishment-free weeks to gather our collective senses, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5, was back this week with a new round of mildly interesting antics. This week the tables finally started to turn on the Joseline/Mimi union (shock of shocks) as we learn that Joseline was lying her balls off about…

Lawd, black people ain’t got nothin but jaysus! When I tell you it all hit the gotdamn fan this past week for the puppets cast of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5! Outside of the studio, Tammy and Waka’s sham marriage done fell the hell apart. Joseline and Stevie J’s alpha sham marriage (they originate, not…

Merry Memorial Day and what not. While y’all were gnawing on badly seasoned chicken and making up excuses for underbidding, Mona Scott was slaving over a hot stove to bring you this week’s serving of steaming foolishment BKA Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5. This week’s installment of confusion and shame brought us…

It’s been a long week, what with the demise of the Mimi/Stud Bae union and the consequent loss of opportunities to reflect on the morning mist that was her hair. Fortunately, this week’s episode of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5, delivered enough replenishing shade to help me push on to see what the end will be.…

The saying goes that all good things must come to an end - fake lesbian relationships, faker hetero marriages, 20/20 vision, etc. Mona Scott managed to bring an end to all of the above and then some with the latest episode of Love and Script Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5. The most recent installment of “As The Ancestors…

Just when I thought Mona Scott didn’t have a single lick of respeck to put on our collective names she goes and surprises us with a Mother’s Day gift: The gift of restful sleep. A day early and allegedly in honor of the national celebration of mothers, Mona gave us the TV equivalent of a Xanax in a thoroughly…

In typical Atlanta style, temperatures have shifted from sligthly balmy to Satan’s ball’s hot in a matter of a few weeks. Fortunately, Mona Scott is available to provide ample shade, as we saw on the latest installment of Foolishness and Fuckment, better known as Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5. This week saw the…

As Elton John once crooned, the bitch is back.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. And even our favorite bogus “reality” show accidentally touches the truth once in a while, as Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5 proved Monday night with an episode brought to us by the letter #frfr. This week’s journey into black shame shed light on some of the most pressing…

There comes a time in the life of every reality show when its producers decide to abandon reality lite in favor of wholesale mythology. Love and Hip Hop Atlanta has chosen Season 5 to make this transition, offering us drama that’s about as real as the odds of Tammy Rivera having a successful fashion line. That is to…

After a break lasting just long enough for us to realize that Stevie J and Joseline’s fantasy of youth and relevance could NOT carry an entire show, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta returned for a new season Monday night. Our favorite ATL-based urban drama premiered with promises of paternity stunts, tragic weaves, cat fights…

We all maintain at least one “friend” who’s less a “friend” and more someone you used to fuck and still contact in hopes that one day you’ll be able to smash again. Since hey, that was all that really worked between you two. You have a mutual understanding better known as “wantin’ that old thang back.”