Seriously, bald eagles are fucking assholes.

You monster.

See, the cat is democracy and the turkeys yarglblughgjhkjfskjdbndlfkn

Let's see, I was in Model UN in high school…
"Ten years with the State Department…"

Steve Buscemi

Dave! Dave! WHITE POWER!
*gets ass kicked

Don't tell my boss. Oh, wait, I am the boss and I get to do whatever the hell I want.

I never officiated a wedding but I did get a neat little plastic card identifying me as a representative of the almighty.

Man, I really need to start lying on my resume.

This kid seems sharp as a tack.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v…

*clicks "Agree"

Why do that when he could get a gun?

And you still walked out!

I want a whole pig made out of tofu roasted on a spit.

That's fair.

The president's actual memoir will be called Donald Trump: I Can't Spell Ameraca.

I know exactly what I'm doing. Unless I drink too much and then I don't.

I'll never understand why the alcohol industry wants to go after marijuana. These are two great tastes that taste great together.

Trisyllabic lyrics?