Oh man, I hope Gameloft hires you. Every one of their games have blatantly ESL scripts.

Came here to say exactly that. The combination of pixel art and the reallllly long skinny legs and featureless faces looks a lot like Sw&Sw, albeit less esoteric.

Oh my god, hire this man.

"Weird Al Yankovick"

Puh-lease, everyone knows the path to peace is shooting thousands of vaguely ethnic non-Americans while heavy metal music plays! Get your Call of Duty straight.

"1.) Why are these launches always so bad? Doesn't work on the console essentially begin once its predecessor is released?"

It's a matter of trying to hit a moving target. Console makers are trying to aim their system's specs at a very specific spot on the technological timeline that represents the best possible…

I see your Dreamworks smirk and raise you a Hurley.

Yeah, this was the biggest issue they fixed with the American NES: Modular controllers. (of course, they also added that horrible front-loading spring that wore out after a few years and killed hundreds of thousands of the consoles)

God dammit I came here to say exactly that.

Half-Life is about the same length to play through as Half-Life 2. I just played through it again a couple months back. It's about 10-12 hours for a first play through, <8 once you know your way around.

Cainface best trollface.

Bingo. You might be talking about RPG leveling systems, loot progression, or grinding, but I've got one of these elements in mind: the old "push boxes onto switches" puzzles. While now derided, these kind of distractions can provide a solid break from non-stop skull-pounding action, even if they're not the most…

Ask Swarley about this.

Hurray, the song that named Lady Gaga.

Oh jesus christ no. That game gives me mild vertigo on a flat computer monitor, three feet away. I'm pretty sure a VR version would empty my stomach faster than would the Hulk Hogan sex tape Gawker keeps talking about (were I stupid enough to click through).

Great article!

There is exactly one reason I can think of why many old school gamers have interest in it: it lets them emulate old games on a TV.

I understand the drive for exclusives, but I disagree that porting their games to another console would have negatively affected the game. Devs could hire on a team of programmers at about the halfway point to work the port, and avoid splitting their lead team's focus. It'd be slightly more expensive, but any game on…

Right, gotcha. My post was sort of an extension of your post/musing.

I doubt CoD itself will go exclusive, although that would be a massive coup for Microsoft. Would really contain all the gamers that Kotaku readers despise all on one console, too!