I’m sure PepsiCo has weighed the profitability of the German market against the cost of simply adding a Germanized name to the product. Different things are called different things in different countries for different reasons. Charlton Heston is credited as Charlton Easton in Greece because “heston” means “to poop…

Cute? What Saturn Ion did you see? Every Ion I ever saw looked like a plastic 16th birthday present now found in every Walmart parking lot. The car in that image isn’t even an Ion concept. It’s the Flextreme concept.

There’s a handy little online inflation calendar that shows the adjusted price of gas over the last fifty years, and while there’s a little uptick right now, prices are lower than they were in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s. In fact, they’re still lower than they’ve been since 2010. Bacon, on the other hand, is more…

This is an unbelievably shitty and inexcusable situation, but his blind allegiance is creepily cultish.

This is such an unfair category. Other decades get beautiful mistakes like the Edsel or explosive ones like the Pinto. Or adorable ones like the Suzuki Samurai. The ‘00s get...the Jaguar X-Type? Chevy HHR? Jeep Liberty? The Aztek might not have had the most impressive specs, but at least it was ugly enough to be…

“...and the natives of Florida...”

“Poosh” has to be the most disgusting word I’ve ever heard, and I’m including “moist” with that claim. I can’t wait for those tarted up hobgoblins to fade into obscurity.

“It’s not a cookie, mother. It’s a fruit newton.” 

Just wait until the self-driving ones go feral and escape the junkyards of the future, terrorizing the countryside.

I mean this in the most endearing way possible, but I am genuinely delighted to see Millennials turning into their parents. “These kids on their gosh darn GameBoy phones these days, by gum!” Again, I mean that in the nicest way possible. My generation’s been full of dour little shits since we were in kindergarten, so…

Fame, fortune, and drugs are a dangerous combination.

I’m surprised EWG has the pull it does. It’s basically the PETA of produce and sunscreen. Do average consumers even take them seriously anymore? We certainly need regulations to keep harmful chemicals out of our products, but I doubt the United States isn’t doing enough just because European countries do more. With…

As gross as some of these are on their own, it’s really hard to get offended by appropriated rainbows with Kendall Jenner and Pepsi in the room. The thought of pairing one of those useless, barely-human sofa cushions with any humanitarian cause is the kind of self-written parody that has SNL writers throwing their…

I don’t see a foreign investor paying $10M to demolish a property not worth 5% that. Even as cleared land, I don’t see him ever recouping the cost. Palazuelo’s in Peru, and presumably very wealthy. He’s just going to walk away.

You win, my friend. You win. 

It’s self-congratulatory schlock for the idealistic narcissists who can afford almond milk passing judgement on the poor families who can’t.

I’m betting on Apple. I picked one last year and I’m still languishing from the murderous guilt. 

I have to wonder what Keizer’s colleagues at The Takeout think of this. It reads like an essay by a 10th grade vegan, and I’m pretty sure this documentary was lampooned by Family Guy twenty years before it was made.

Can you please spread that sentiment to the droves of New Yorkers moving here? I always told my friends in “better cities,” trust me, you don’t want to live here. Please, stay away. I liked it just the way it was and Philly seemed like the last city that would ever change. Perpetually stuck somewhere between 1975 and…

Pizza, casserole, topless potpie. Deep dish pizza’s biggest problem isn’t what it is or isn’t, it’s that almost no one outside Chicago has ever tried it. If we have, it was at Uno’s.