Were you a cool guy who smoked but now you’re an old guy who, instead of quitting altogether, prefers to inhale smoke-like material from a machine that glows? Or are you a pothead looking for a new way to smoke weed? Great. Let me help you pick out some Christmas gifts for yourself.

The governors of 17 states, including Florida, Arizona, Mississippi, North Carolina, and Illinois, have joined their cowardly colleagues in Louisiana, Michigan, Alabama, and Texas in trying to prevent Syrian refugees from settling in their states.

The governor of the brave state of Texas has announced that his state will refuse to accept any refugees who have fled war-torn Syria. In a letter announcing his decision, Gov. Greg Abbott “demanded” that President Obama consider a similar tactic following Friday’s deadly attacks in Paris.

In case there wasn’t enough awful news tonight, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake just struck off the southwest coast of Japan. The Japan Meteorological Agency warned that tsunamis up to three feet high could hit the coast of the Kagoshima prefecture on the island of Kyushu.

Thursday evening a woman went overboard during the first night of the Mad Decent Boat Party, a cruise-based dance party headlined by Skrillex and Diplo. Cruise Norwegian, which is hosting the four-day event, says the woman jumped from the ship just after 7 pm when the boat was about 22 miles off the coast of Cuba.

Two suicide bombers killed at least 41 people and injured 200 more Thursday evening in Beirut neighborhood considered a Hezbollah-stronghold, according to the Lebanese health minister.

Nouman Raja, the Palm Beach Gardens police officer who fatally shot Corey Jones in October, has been fired. A criminal investigation into the shooting is ongoing, according to a Palm Beach Gardens spokeswoman.

A University of Missouri professor who encouraged his students to stand up to the “bullies” threatening to kill black students on campus by taking a scheduled exam Wednesday has offered his resignation. Dale Brigham’s email about the exam was met with immediate backlash from some of his students, who accused him of…

Ohio State Highway Patrol officials confirmed this morning that nine people—two pilots and seven employees from a Florida real estate company—were on board the small jet that crashed into an apartment building yesterday in Akron. There were no survivors.

Earlier in tonight’s GOP debate, Sen. Marco Rubio made a rousing call for more vocational education. “Welders make more money than philosophers,” he said to applause. “We need more welders than philosophers.”

Nine people were reportedly killed this afternoon when a small jet crashed into an apartment building in Akron, Ohio.

Legendary New Orleans musician Allen Toussaint died Tuesday morning after suffering a heart attack in Spain. He was 77.

Eight people, including two American contractors, were killed this morning in a shooting at a U.S.-funded police training center just outside of Amman, Jordan. Two Americans were also wounded in the attack.

Russian president Vladimir Putin has suspended all flights into Egypt amid reports that the flight recorder from Metrojet Flight 9268 contains data that “strongly favors” theories that a bomb brought down the passenger jet.

The disgraced Illinois cop who killed himself after allegedly embezzling thousands of dollars from a police youth group and attempting to hire a hit man to kill a town administrator was also accused of repeatedly grabbing women’s breasts at multiple Christmas parties, being a drunken nuisance at local bars, and using…

Citing U.S. intelligence sources, CNN and NBC News report that a bomb planted by ISIS or an ISIS affiliate was most likely what caused Metrojet Flight 9268 to disintegrate mid-air over the Sinai Peninsula last weekend.

The Illinois police officer whose mysterious death triggered a days-long manhunt and was later ruled a suicide killed himself because he feared that state auditors were about to uncover his years-long scheme to embezzle thousands of dollars from a youth charity, according to police.

The FAA has barred all flights from landing at San Diego’s airport due to an active shooter situation at a nearby apartment complex. UPDATE 5:55 pm: The gunman has surrendered. The San Diego Union-Tribune reports the gunman was barricaded inside the building with a high-powered rifle.