Photo FinishPhoto FinishKyrie Irving Promises Celtics He Won’t Quit On Whatever Team He Signs With This OffseasonThe OnionThursday 1:33PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishVideo On Ref’s Replay Screen Just Adam Silver Demanding He Call Fewer Fouls On WarriorsOnionNews5/04/19 9:02PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishJoel Embiid Downing Bucket Of Lukewarm Shrimp In Preparation For Game 3OnionNews5/02/19 5:17PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishJames Harden: ‘I Just Want A Fair Shot Where I Can Get A Foul Called On Every Play’The Onion4/30/19 2:31PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefKobe Bryant Confident He Could Still Berate Teammates For 20 Minutes A NightThe Onion4/30/19 11:53AM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefEnes Kanter Grateful To Escape From Oppressive, Failing Dictatorship In New YorkThe Onion4/29/19 2:52PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefDenver Nuggets Worried They Screwed Up Attempt To Tank For Zion WilliamsonThe Onion4/26/19 11:57AM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishDedicated Russell Westbrook Stays Late After Practice To Miss 100 Extra ShotsThe Onion4/23/19 1:25PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefSteve Kerr Reminds Warriors To Seem Sad DeMarcus Cousins InjuredThe Onion4/17/19 4:47PM
News In PhotosNews In PhotosKid About To Meet Brooklyn Nets Must Not Be Very SickThe Onion4/12/19 4:52PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefLonzo Ball Chooses CAA To Represent Him As FatherThe Onion4/11/19 11:11AM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefSteve Ballmer Rewards Playoff-Bound Clippers With Complimentary Microsoft Office UpgradesThe Onion4/10/19 5:10PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishDwyane Wade Insists He Better Than Paul Pierce At Defending Knife AttacksThe Onion4/09/19 3:02PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishJazz Reminds Fans Racist, Homophobic Language Has No Place In Good SeatsThe Onion3/15/19 4:59PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefDirk Nowitzki Shatters Backboard Glass With Powerful Soprano Singing VoiceThe Onion3/11/19 5:13PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefKnicks Confident They Have The Cap Space To Ruin 2 Or 3 Promising CareersThe Onion2/19/19 1:24PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefLeBron And Lakers Hoping Horrible Series Of Failed Betrayals Brings Them Closer As TeamThe Onion2/11/19 3:23PM
Sports News In BriefSports News In BriefAdam Silver Sends League-Wide Memo Just Asking Players Where The Fuck They Want To PlayThe Onion2/08/19 12:45PM
Photo FinishPhoto FinishMavericks Retire Dirk Nowitzki’s Jersey Fully Unaware He Still On TeamThe Onion1/25/19 8:30PM
News in BriefNews in BriefNBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay HoodThe Onion1/15/19 2:23PM
