You can’t eat your BOOTSTRAPS. How else will you pull yourself up? Jeez.

their bootstraps, presumably

And when he first enlisted he was Private Public?

I salute you (closest one I could find).

The worst part about morning sex is walking around with leaky semen panties all day.

OH MY GOD, this is the epitome of Husband and me. He wakes up at 5:30am and is all like, POKE POKE POKE, LET’S DO IT. And I’m all like, wtf is your problem, asshole, I’m sleeping. You poke me again and I will rip that fucking finger right off your hand and crazy murder you with it. And then he’s all like, Geez, why so…

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

my only experience with Hooters at all is my Grandmother was a huge fan, because of owls. Owls.

Happy Mother’s Day y’all!

OMG YAAAAS YASSSSSSS TO EVERY IDIOT COMMENTER WHO KEPT SAYING SHE WAS JUST OVERLINING HER LIPS I AM SINGING DASHBOARD’S VINDICATED AND DANCING AROUND THIS AIRPORT TERMINAL ALSO I AM PROBABLY VERY DRUNK

The only cat calls I accept.

That first tweet tho.

Local news reports said “he kissed her back and seemed to enjoy it”. It’s also been reported he said “call me” as she was running away. Not mentioned in this article of course, but widely reported locally. I live near Wellsley. Swanky might have heard the same. Sorry for hijacking. 😊

Oh my effing gawd did I get torn to pieces on a local news site for saying I thought kissing a stranger was creepy because you don’t know where those lips have been. A slew of far too many romance novel reading ladies felt the need to tell me how mean spirited and unromantic I am. A bit of a germaphobe perhaps, but…

Okay but liiiike, fuck the U.S. government and the way it treats black and Latino/a people and Latino/a immigrants. No one tells foreign performers not to perform here.

“he didn’t mention just exactly how they could have gotten on a man’s fine beard in the first place.”

Hooray for interracial love pic!