I'm just gonna get my future hypothetical fiance a simple band of gold, forged in the fire's of Mt. Doom with parts of my soul infused into it, and if that's not good enough for her, well than she's not the Dark Lady for me.

I don't want my land line, I'd turn on my phone more/always if we didn't have it. Hubby can't hack the idea of life w/o a landline.

Diamonds are silly...

If you really want some carbon in a nice lattice form, why not get one made in a lab by well paid educated workers instead of from barbaric african diamond mine?

Ohhhhhh... Yeah baby... come on over here...

I don't have a smart phone and only recently upgraded to a phone that had texting capabilities. If I leave the house I try to take it and have it on in case something happens with my daughter. I also have no home answering machine and I just checked and I have 190+ unread emails.

Whatever.

Is "put his hand on my ceiling" a euphemism?

I use Urban Decay and I think the other one I have is from Benefit. But the Urban Decay is my makeup hero.

This is stupefying. That anyone not vegetarian/vegan would decline to eat a chicken friend steak, regardless of what they thought it was, is just incomprehensible to me. I'm going to have one for breakfast tomorrow in horrifying, grotesque self-indulgence protest and solidarity. Cream gravy. Grits. You know the drill.…

Pretty shitty, that's kind of what the dish is intended for. Don't forget that it's also covered in gravy. Honestly though, cardboard would probably be moderately edible if breaded, fried and covered in gravy.

Oh yeah. There was a customer, that even after I explained it to them, thought Mayonnaise, Ranch, Bleu Cheese, and Sour Cream were all the same thing.

Yes. Yes I can.

Psst, should we tell these cretins about the Catholics?

At this point, he began angrily shaking a bottle of ketchup, dumped it all over his once-beautiful porterhouse

In my mom's case, she could manage keeping her mess inside the house. We just always had the shades down.

I'm going to take a radical stance here and say I don't support teachers using school equipment to manufacture drugs or moonshine for personal/recreational use, either.

I wonder if there are teachers who do actually do seem like the type.

I grew up in a hoarder home and it looked very nice from the outside, but was a total shithole once you got inside.

My fav story is about the guy who built a huge plant maze around his Sim so he has to take 14 hours to get to the car for work. On the way, he would lose all bodily functions and hilarity ensues.