“I had a six-game suspicion too, but it had to do with Aikman stealing my tramadol.”

“I’m pregnant!”

There is no “Draft” to dodge. Except the NFL Draft. And these fools got drafted by the Browns. The BROWNS. It’s like the Afghanistan of NFL teams.

Dogged by Mike Vick. That’s ruff man.

Reportedly management called him up and said “It’s a Shane but we’re Doan with you.”

Thank god they’ve got excellent health care!

If you watched that much hockey you would know those whistles happen from time to time.

Don’t bother with trying to explain anything. Crosby just gets away with everything and nothing bad ever happens to him. No amount of evidence will ever change these “facts” in people’s minds.

Subban punched Crosby in the back of the head repeatedly in game 1, which may have been what he was referring to for why he “had it coming.”

I would agree to this if MLB also agreed to outlaw the Boston accent...and Red Sox fans...and the entire franchise.

*sexual assault of a man by a man*

Japanese guy wins a race and this guy clutches his Pearl Harbors.

I really just feel bad for the Senators and their fan.

Counterpoint: Fuck you

Fixed it.

If you choose to watch playoff basketball instead of playoff hockey then you deserve this season

“Man punches man whose job is to punch other men”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA David fucking Ortiz is calling someone arrogant and disrespectful?

Well, since it’s the first time I did it, the second time I would use a broomstick.