WHERE’S ANDRE??

Tim Gunn just said he’d take him to Red Lobster!

I’d be horrified if I ever came in contact with a penis that was QUIVERING

Oh go away.

you mean

Why are customers always convinced people are lying to them? They have only one cup size, they aren’ trying to trick you for the fun of it. I one time had a customer, when I worked at the convenience store, swear up and down they paid for a money order with a credit card there just recently. The damn computers didn’t…

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!” he demands, utterly* seriously, even angrily.

I’m going to be very blunt, your brother sounds like a massive asshole. Nearly 40, totally irresponsible, a cheater and still wants your parents to finance his life. I wouldn’t say a word of congratulations until he properly tells you about his engagement. In the real world, people tell family in person or over the…

Our 19yo daughter is home from college for the weekend. She is studying sustainable agriculture and food production. She brought home fresh goat milk from the college farm, and is teaching us to make Chèvre. Our little kiddo is becoming a strong, smart, feisty woman and it just makes us bust with pride. Tomorrow she…

NeverMindEdith is a penis professional

Meryl Streep’s kitchen bothered me so much because it is MAGNIFICENT yet a key plot line in the movie was how much she hated it. I would harm people to have that kitchen. Sigh.

Tina Fey and Michael Caine

What, wearing all the shirts at once isn’t fashionable?

This is not an interesting story, and based on your telling of it, I really cannot tell whether or not it’s true that the server was rude. However, it is perfectly clear that you are a terrible customer.

Cool story, bro

Maybe she needs reading glasses but won’t admit it, so she has to get really close to read anything.

expresso tequila

I like candy corn..........in moderation.

Starred for “fuckwidget.”