To be fair, you could have said the same thing about Mission Impossible when the first film came out. If Man from U.N.C.L.E., which I think was a better show than Mission Impossible, was an entertaining movie with a big star, people would go. But apparently, it’s neither. Oh well.

Speaking of Pete Wentz, I feel like the hardest day of little Lexi’s life is going to be the day she finds out that Wentz is half black. She’s going to burn that shirt so fast...

We all appreciate your hustle, little blonde girl, but there have to be easier ways to audition for a Fox News internship, no?

I’m a Mets fan, and I didn’t realize how spoiled we are until I got MLB Network and started listening to other broadcast teams. My god, there are some awful announcers out there. Scully is still the best, and always will be, but no one else is even close to Gary, Keith and Ron.

Steve Smith had the best description of Twitter that I’ve ever seen:

“Teddy Bridgewater, who is poised, accurate, intelligent, tough, and has the arm strength of an amputee baby.”

Damn, I forgot how good Barfield was. I didn’t watch a lot of AL baseball in the ‘80s, but that Toronto outfield was loaded.

I’m trying to think of any other right fielder I’ve seen who could make that play. Raul Mondesi, Bo Jackson, Jose Guillen and Ichiro all had the arm strength, but I can’t see any of them having the creativity to barehand that ball.

I can’t remember who it was, but one of Brandon Webb’s catchers once said that catching his sinker was like trying to catch a brick someone threw at you from 15 feet away.

Has anyone listened to the new Dre album yet? I haven’t had a chance to, but I did revisit a few songs from 2001 today. I still love this track so much.

Do you think we’ll ever see a good Fantastic Four movie? There seems to be this notion now that it’s impossible to make one, which is just silly to me. As a concept, the FF isn’t any more outdated than Captain America.

“And wait until you see him play defense!!!”

I’m not normally one for absolute statements, but here’s one: Any man who refers to women as “females” is an asshole. There are no exceptions.

There’ll be 4,080 new thought pieces about Smith, but I don’t know what’s left to say other than “I really hope he gets the help he needs.”

He’s the only correspondent in the show’s history who I would say is unequivocally better than Jon. You can make a case for John Oliver too, and I think Jessica Williams might get there someday.

I wish “Jessica’s Feminized Atmosphere” got half the attention that other street harassment video from last year did. Not only was it brilliant and, you know, not racist, but it was obviously much better produced, and was on an incredibly popular television show.

Thank you. The Incredibles is the best FF movie we’ll ever get. Also, The Iron Giant is the best Superman movie we’ll ever get.

I’m happy whenever anyone recognizes a Top 10 reference. I love that comic.

We’re not that far removed from a time when Pop Warner and high school sports coaches would deny kids water for as long as possible, screaming dumb shit like “Water makes you weak!” while the kids were busting their asses running suicides under a blazing sun or in hot gyms. How insane is that?

I am sorry. I did not realize that where you are from, people never use any kind of slang, abbreviations, or otherwise shorten common words or phrases during informal conversation.