He’s fat. The joke is that he’s fat.

Vick” “I’m not saying it’s his hair per se. But in my experience, it’s important for a competitor to be well-groomed.”

This is really one of those golden opportunities for me. I mean, what if I call and we really hit it off? I’m just saying what if MY call is the ONE CALL he answers out of thousands and we vibe. I feel like we would vibe, me and Jimmy Butler the professional basketball star. It would probably start slow. Like he’d…

Eat, sleep, train.

Matin Kratt: “What if we could mate with sharks in the wild?”

Where is Jim Irsay and what is going on with the Colts?

“Uh...okay, what you’re seeing now isn’t technically bullying, but they do seem to be ganging up on her...”

(I walk on stage at a press conference after another long day at the office)

Underestimating Chewbacca? That’s a wookie mistake.

Snuffed By An Angel

In this case, there was no way flushing would’ve helped. The guy who left something like that must’ve been into EXTREME fisting—like, Popeye-level fisting.

Samer’s become a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I heard he can’t even nut now without looking at a picture of Whitey Herzog

Kind of scared to ask, but curiosity has the better of me... what’s the feta cheese incident?

I was a community college/self taught art person, so I didn’t go to “real” college and thus didn’t have room mates. One of my good friends, however, did. One spring me and three of my friends who decided to drive out to see her. She assured us there was room for us in her dorm room. I figured we’d be on the floor or…

I was hanging out in another room, when a friend of my roommate in the room received a facebook messenger that my roommate was freaking out because she was dumping him. We walk down the hall to my room where a crowd of guys has started to gather .

Make Ameerkat Granada Again!

Uh what about a little thing called “Must see TV”?

Are there any stats on how many of these murders happen because a meerkat wants to just relax a little with a beer after a hard day of working in the jungle and another meerkat won’t shut the fuck up about how badly the lawn needs mowing and it has to be done right away so it looks nice when that meerkat’s mother…

Then explain all the murder in the documentary I saw about John Wick.

She would have done this sooner, but she was on her Cretaceous Period.