What do you know of fear, my sweet AARP card?

Her?

I don't know why, but reading this has made me quite melancholy.

You think that's old?

Paddle me, grandpa. Paddle me in the same way that you experienced a nun-administered paddlin' in your halcyon days of attending a Catholic school in the 1930's. TEACH ME THE POWER OF YOUR METAMUCIL FARTS.

I love reading these comments just to determine the median age of the commentariat. And what I discovered is.. you people are old. Like so old, it makes even my late 20's seem young by comparison.

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Onanism

In Soviet Russia, the jungle is your highway populated with drunken Russian drivers, can't rule your heart.

But mostly Pornhub.

"The Mighty Pecs of Putin" would be a great name for a ska/post-punk/satire in the style of Pussy Riot type of band.

"It rubs the sickle on the scrotum or it gets the hose again."

"I said keep your bloody money. I’d rather keep my friends."

"Skinny Girl Cocktails" because ladies we don't mean to imply that you're fat (when you're really not).. but hey you might be fat and self-conscious from all those times you were derided by your well-meaning (?) mother to have the skinniest waist as possible so that your summer bikini can fit like a glove apropos of…

I'm currently playing lots of SSB4 on the 3DS. Still feel like such a noob when playing it, but it's still hella fun regardless.

Ray J, obviously.

Yeah, I would probably say it's not the most accurate of books about the medieval period. Its a book that can be, at times, sensationalistic and dubious in nature. But that's to be expected I think when most of your sources come from the writings of pre-modern chroniclers (in Tuchman's case the 14th century French…

I'm currently reading A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century by Barbara Tuchman for like the hundredth time.

"The Fog Rose High" - Craft Spells
"Pale Blue Eyes" - The Velvet Underground
"Elevator of Love" - Miami Nights 1984
"If I Was Your Girlfriend" - Prince
"Dust" - Gang Gang Dance
"Neon Bible" - Arcade Fire
"In My Little Thatched Hut" - The Fiery Furnaces
"Holiday Call" - of Montreal
"Oh Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head!…

Give me Baba Wawa!

His name is like genital herpes, in that it routinely flares up again after weeks spent in relative dormancy. And then one day, you get that itchy feeling. And being the inquisitive person that you are, you hit up that 'ol A.V. Club and lo was Vanilla Ice mentioned! It burned! And lo, did you crave for Valtrex and the…