Including my ass.

Nah, I was jokin'.

Oh no, my ass will know exactly what will hit it.

It can be two things, dude.

For every repressed, conservative, dating profile CEO, there's a gay man just waiting to have his salad tossed in a seedy Airport bathroom.

Thank you. This'll be my profile at E-Harmony.

In other news, I haven't had sex in many years and I'm lonely.

I knew I shouldn't have clicked that link.

The series finale of Rizzoli and Isles will feature intense, vigorous, sweaty, lesbian sex.

Star Wars: Too Many Lukes

Star Wars: Harrison Ford Uses Life Alert, Proceeds To Fall Down And Can't Get Up

Star Wars: Too Many Cooks

Yes, but my use of sarcasm on the internet may incur some ethical wrath.

Lest we forget the ethics in drinking copious amounts of whiskey while making A.V. Club articles.

CBS Exec Yells At Kids To Get Off His Lawn

If you look closely, you'll find Jimmy Hoffa's corpse.

Always Be (giving you) Crabs

It Ain't What U Wear, It's How U Play It, bro.

[Spike Lee angrily retweets ABC's phone number]

In the 90's, we had Alizé.