Dress by Zuhair Murad. So unusual to see a model actually smiling.

it's not about me, specifically, and it should be about me, specifically

There is a gloriously cranky woman in Philadelphia who has a bra fitting place and it's the only place I buy bras now. I walked in for the first time and she took one look at my chest and shouted "NO! At least two sizes wrong! Get in the changing room right now!"

Damn, fuck the police just took on a whole new meaning.

Oh HELLLLLLLLLL no. That's just crazy talk. A hot Krispy Kreme kicks any Dunkin Donuts' ass. Just sayin. And I love Dunkin Donuts but they cannot beat a hot, fresh Krispy Kreme in the store.

Why exactly is it "unfortunate?" One paragraph later, you said the position was too deep and an undrafted free agent outplayed him. Are you suggesting that they were supposed to keep him anyway?

In fact, I'd probsbly watch a show called "Rednecks Pooping!" If it starred David Tennant and Nathan Filion.

"This pepper tastes like babies."

When I dance, small children cry. Adults panic and ask if I'm having a seizure. Dogs whimper. Friends urgently apologise on my behalf.

God I'm just so glad no one has ever filmed me dancing.

this is the best gift to give to somebody you really, really don't like or want to get rid of ASAP.

That's not scary. The ghost is obviously friendly. It just wanted to hold the cameraman's hand, and even closed the door when asked! Check your corporeal privilege, Mark.

"Why the fuck are you giving me a pen" is going to be the private thought of many flight attendants in the near future.

my guy will do it morning noon and night. I could have fire coming out of my vag he still would want to do it. Nothing stops him.

I don't like coconut and this 'trend' of using the oil as the be-all end-all cure for absolutely fucking everything under the sun is annoying as all hell.

how about button down shirts that are sized according to bra size and waist size? For example instead of my usual large size shirt, it would be 36D / 30.

Oh I think Phil's down to clown. I read an Vanity Fair article about their young romance and there was an anecdote from a friend when they were newlyweds who remarked that Elizabeth had a really lovely complexion (true) to which Philip responded, "She's like that all over."

AHHHH Grandpa Phil! Don't talk about Grandma…

"Is this a new policy?"

It's unreasonable to ask for a last name ever. Customers are creepy; I have coworkers who walked out of a bar at 4 A.M. to find the guy they cut off 2 hours earlier waiting for them. I have coworkers who have been stalked and even sexually assaulted by fucked-up customers. There's no need to give personal information…

Real nice way to treat an A-list. I'll be sure to tweet about it,