According to this:

Your joke gets a sad trombone. A sad, rusty trombone.

Swing and a miss.

Which is why you’d never see a superstar play for a midmarket team in a cold shithole like Cleveland?

I think it’s for people like me, who come to Kotaku hoping there will be a new Overwatch article every day.

The tinfoil is strong with this one.

It would be more fitting if you did it without my permission.

Begs the question: WTF were you doing in Branson?!

You got your Jalopnik in my Deadspin.

Uh, what’s the impetus for this attempt at a joke? He is 25, a genius, and makes more than a million dollars a year. Does he make you feel that pathetic?

Karjakin is also a great way to kill time in traffic.

*Don’t do it... no one knows you’re a nerd. No one knows you’re a nerd.*

Go to hell.

It’s actually not a walk, and kind of amazingly so. He doesn’t even walk in the way that most players do and never ever gets called, where they change their pivot foot after they square up. Towns reverse pivots, then keeps the right foot pivot foot (most guy switch to the left there because it’s easier for…

So you concede Smart is among the worst in the League, but complain he’s singled out because he plays for a team no one has cared about for the last 5 years?

Varejão is a challenger for the crown, but he’s actually good at flopping.

Did you hear the one about the guy whose girlfriend poured boiling water over his head? Scarred him so bad he can’t play football for the rest of the season! And I thought she was black! Cause they’re so violent!

The premise of the rule being that hitting quarterbacks in the pocket in the head is prohibited.

You’re conflating the rule that defines a player in a defenseless posture with the specific rule to protect QBs from getting hit in the head. The latter—Rule 12.2.9, which I cite above—applies to “[a]ny physical acts against a player who is in a passing posture (i.e. before, during, or after a pass).” I’ll stick to…