[Crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford wears a Denver Broncos jersey at a press conference about something non-sports related, definitively proving that the Seahawks deserve to win the Super Bowl. h/t NewsBreaker]

Tonight, The Daily Show bid Sean Hannity a heartfelt “please, get out of our state” after Andrew Cuomo questioned the place of extreme conservatives in New York.

NBC Chicago reports that it might feel like -45 degrees tonight in the Chicago area, which is really, obscenely cold. Although a certain member of the Gawker staff thinks factors like “wind chill” are beefed-up “fraudulent numbers” designed to make you either a) stay inside forever or b) feel like a big ol’ badass for…

Today in “silly things people do around fire” comes the tale of one man from Olathe, Kansas, who ran back into his burning house to save his Xbox.

Today, The New YorkTimes posted a defense of their inclusion of “pizza” on the “Meh List,” whichthey call “a much-beloved and much-maligned part of the One Page Magazine.” Upuntil now, I was unaware that the “Meh List” was “much-anything,” but now that theGrey Lady herself has dragged pizza into the mix, I must step…

A woman from ClarkCounty, Indiana, was held in jail for five months after being ordered to spendonly two days there.

It’s okay to look at porn, and it’s okay to have a work computer, but you probably shouldn’t combine the two and then lie to police about it.

A family from Dora, Alabama, lost their home after the owners decided to try and clean up toilet paper by lighting it on fire.

A high schoolsenior from Brevard County, Florida, was suspended last week for creating a”campus disturbance.” His crime? Starring in a gay porn video on SeanCody.com [NSFW].

Now parents haveone more (probably fake) young-people trend to worry about: kids these days areapparently crushing up Smarties and snorting them. Surprisingly, there is nohigh from crushing up colored sugar and sticking it up your nose, but thathasn’t stopped middle schoolers across the country from doing it.…

Last week, a 17-year-old boy was arrested in Topeka, Kansas, for planning to shoot twopolice officers and two administrators at his high school. That story is awful, but at least something good came from the event: a few localnews reporters introduced us to the chillest high school bro, like, ever.

Cody A. Mann, a 28 year old man from Minnesota, was charged last week with two felony counts of animal cruelty and torture after admitting to killing, skinning, and baking his pet cat.

On Wednesday, CNN published a report about the literacy levels amongst college athletes from 37 public universities across America. Part of the data came from Mary Willingham, an academic counselor at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill, who has worked with student athletes since 2003.