Sorry, I couldn't resist.
What to watch after getting back from the local swimming pool ...
• NHL: 56th All-Star Game live from Atlanta (6:00 p.m., ET). The crew at Melt Your Face-Off can't stop tapping their sticks on the boards! [VS.]
• NBA: Denver at Dallas (6:30 p.m., ET). Uh-oh ... another nationally televised game for Linas Kleiza. The…
Just so you know, the Patriots are dismissing reports that Tom Brady had been turned into a lifeless, blood-thirsty zombie. [Your Face Is A Sports Blog]
• The Adventures of Cecil & Prince Fielder, Vol. 1. [Diamond Hoggers]
• ESPN TV launches a new channel: ESPN CDTSBXLIX. [Bleacher Report]
• An in-depth analysis of FOX's creepy NFL robot. [Sandpaper Suit]
• Your one-stop-shop for the MLS season preview. [Soccer Tickets Online]
• Leverage is not Derek Anderson's best…
Tyler Pratt — um, pictured left — sent a photo of himself in to some Patriots look-alike contest saying people tell him he looks like Tom Brady. Apparently, Tyler Pratt works in a cave ... with blind people ... who are horrible fuckin' liars.
Anyone want to adopt one of Vick's pit bulls? He's happy-go-lucky and loves the treadmill. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
• 1:00 — NBA: Celtics at Magic [ABC]
• 1:00 — College Basketball: Michigan at Michigan State [CBS]
• 1:00 — Varsity Blues [TBS]
• 2:00 — Winter X Games: Skiing, snowboarding [ESPN2]
• 2:00 — Bowling: USBC Queens [ESPN2]
• 2:00 — Caddyshack II [VS.]
• 2:30 — Face/Off [USA]
• 3:00 — Golf: PGA Tour Buick Invitational…
J.E. Skeets called his father this morning to hear his clever, bold, always enlightening comments, and chose this one above all others to share with you ...
Um, I think we found our winner — and runner-up — for this year's best Super Bowl party. Seriously. If Will doesn't take a field trip to this ... well, I'll kill him. I don't care if he has a book.
Awesome: Mike Adamle, the old American Gladiators announcer, is going to debut for the WWE this Sunday at the Royal Rumble. Awesomer: The news was posted by "Larry Csonka." [411mania.com]
What to watch while you bake a cake in the shape of the moon blowing up ...
• College Basketball: Georgetown at West Virginia (7 p.m., ET). Does Roy Hibbert laugh that sweet, infectious giggle every time he scores? [ESPN]
• NHL: Skills competition and YoungStars game (7 p.m., ET). Skate, you stupid fucking Mike…
I don't think I'm going out on a limb here by saying Dax Crum, a D-1 senior guard born with just one hand, is much better at basketball than you or I. [Fox Sports]
• The Chinese sure love their David Beckham condoms. [Log's Blog]
• Al Jefferson needs help with the stat sheet. [Odenized]
• Take note: How NOT to throw a Super Bowl party. [Ladies...]
• Is this the golden age for women's tennis? [Rizzo Sports Blog]
• Big news: Debbie Clemens to be Yankees' opening day pitcher. […