Oh, fuck off, love. He’s a fucking rapist and deserves to have his balls shot off. You should be dropped into a vat of fucking acid and dolphin cum for this. Fucking quisling!

Another one that I was thinking of whilst preparing breakfast (sausages, eggs, proper bacon and not that laminated shite you Americans seem to love, with toast)...

Hey, USA (I’m not dragging Canada into this, or Mexico by calling you lot “America”) remember when you cunts assassinated your Presidents?  You’ve got more bullets than children, less scruples than an AIDS-ridden whore and the morality of ebola.  Use your fucking Second Amendment rights, and make this world a better…

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! A thread I can contribute multiple stories to!

Michael Palin was always my favourite Python. He’s just utterly, ridiculously, delightfully and wonderfully charming in everything he does. And as for The Death of Stalin...just watch it.  It’s incredibly darkly funny and there are moments where you won’t just burst out laughing - you’ll positively shriek.  

Hi Kevin,

His hair is an alarming shade of yellow that we normally don’t get to see in nature, kids.  It looks like that one time my sister’s former best friend went a bit loco with the bleach and went from brunette to Hooker Piss in thirty minutes.  Jesus.

...

Yeah, a pack of joyless sour-faced hipster-wannabes don’t speak for the rest of us, sweetie.  You’re clearly high.  Have a seat.

From a purely pedestrian viewpoint, your argument holds water. From the perspective of an organisation that wants to keep itself at the top of the food-chain and dominate the market, your viewpoint is leakier than Trump’s favourite Russian hooker. The fact is this: people’s diets and tastes constantly evolve and…

You know, I’ve never been to a Chick-Fil-A (and probably never will), but I can’t help but think they’ve got the winning formula with their chicken burgers across the entire range: simplicity. McDonald’s seem to over-complicate their offerings, whilst Chick-Fil-A just seems to slap a hunk of chicken on a bun with some…

Why are you putting pictures of fruit on a biscuit thread?  Who hurt you as a child?  And yes, I’m giving you the evil-eye right now.  You should start to combust in about thirty seconds...

Jaffa Cakes are considered as cakes for taxation purposes, as we have a tax on chocolate covered biscuits and McVitie’s - the manufacturers and creators of these wee delectable monsters - was taken to court in 1991 to determine their status. They’re not biscuits, they’re cakes. It’s even in their bloody name!

Bernot gets my vote. Mostly for the inclusion of shortbread (as an actual Scot, I can attest that there is nothing more satisfying than freshly made, slightly warm, dusted-with-golden-caster-sugar shortbread). Pang was a close second, but...what in the trailer trash hell is going on in Suzanne-Mayer’s cupboards? Get…

I’d rather Uma than Ethan.  Uma as some sort of blissed-out 70s-hippy-mother throwback.  

OH FUCK PHOEBE CATES WOULD BE BRILLIANT.  Sorry, wee bit overexcited there!

I just want more Robin.  Robin was fucking brilliant.

I don’t think it was cruel. I think it was very realistic in a lot of ways. Children die all the time. We don’t like to see it because it makes us uncomfortable - well, that’s what the show does best. Bear in mind Barb was still a child when she was killed in season one. Was it okay for her to die because she was…

I...don’t see anything wrong with that?  It’s a damned sight more tasteful than some of the crap you see my fellow bleached-flour members wearing, that’s for damned sure.  And fuck the airline for humiliating her.  Fuck ‘em to infinity.

Looks like that thieving cunt who tried to swipe my mate’s Big Mac down in Kelvingrove Park the other week. That fucker got brained by my friend’s sister and a particularly heavy handbag. It won’t make that mistake again...