“He’s amphibious!!!” - Emmitt Smith

Tuba Lube would kill to be as accomplished as Michelle Obama. All this spermburping jerk has done is be blonde and racist. 

Serious question: why wasn’t this illegal use of hands to the face? I’ve always wondered about the offense-defense double-standard when it comes to trying to smash your opponent’s head, and I’ve always been too lazy to look into it.

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

This video is torturing me. I’m not important or senior enough at my company to be laughing out loud for minutes at a time, but stifling the laugh is killing the neck and shoulder muscles I strained during my workout yesterday.

GWAR got robbed. Again.

[Transports back to mid-2000s]: He got JACKED UP!

A rich white lady with thin skin? Man, I believe it when I see it.

Isn’t the job description of PGA of America professionals literally to deal with hackers?

Bitty Coyne was kicked out of Ladies Day in 1957 for being of New York stock, hint hint.

My favorite part is when Rozelle intentionally paused after “Fullback” to let that idiocy sink in with the crowd and you hear “OH NOOO!” in the background. Gets me every time.

Fullback in the 1st round

She did a good job following that laser pointer.

I bet they were happy when Drago killed Apollo in Rocky IV.

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. -Mike Tyson

Think Lena Dunham, but at least 100 times less self-aware and 100 times more insufferable.  

I’ve memorialized this classic tale in GIF form for you guys <3

Her: “I didn’t do anything!”

“Let me fuck with these Black folks for no reason .”

UPDATE: Bryce Harper has signed with the Golden State Warriors.