As for Crowell admitting he was wrong and acted out of rage — Loomis says, “You’re a grown ass man, and you claim you were too emotional to know it was wrong? Think we’ll accept your apology? Kiss my ass.”

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

“...such a pathetic draw.”

Are we sure this was the reason they left? Is it possible they didn’t realize they’d signed up for a WNBA game?

I love Tim Duncan and am saddened at his retirement, so in the spirit of stirring up some shit for no reason: if you think Kobe Bryant was the best player of their generation, and not Timmy, you are a raving madman, wandering the desert shoveling peyote into his mouth, lost in the grip of his own feverish…

Drew Magary - [sees shorts]

True story. My 9 year old daughter has been feeling bummed ever since she came back from summer camp. She’s been in the house doing nothing driving my wife insane. Yesterday I said let’s go outaide and catch Pokémon. My daughter got excited we went out, finally saw the light of day, and she was smiling again. The…

Yeah, I got laid playing this game over the weekend. She is from Canada, so you wouldn’t know her.

I don’t know whether this take is good or not because I virtually never drink in bars, but IPAs taste awful and I hate them.

acceptable and responsible IMO

It’s about whether you’ve made eye contact, not proximity.

You’ll be fine. If you pee beforehand, watch out for that water pressure in the sink when you go to wash your hands.

You can’t convince me anyone has ever actually enjoyed an IPA.

I don’t like IPAs because they taste like battery acid. I WAS FIRST ON THE HATING IPAS BANDWAGON

My girlfriend compared me to Guy Fieri. Can someone console me?

When Carmelo thinks theres been too many shots taken, its about time we make some changes.

Last time I saw a Simmons make that many passes is when Bill met Tom Brady’s female cousin.

Look, it’s very simple, there is no goddamn way to catch a football. You may think you’ve seen someone catch a football or even think that you, yourself, have caught a football, but it never actually happens. The NFL, therefore, needs complicated rules to completely hide the fact that what really happens is that the…

Calvin Johnson claims he retired because of “injuries.” Nonsense. He retired because he doesn't understand how to perform his job any longer...