Foreplay was 15 minutes of Russell talking about how great KY jelly is.

Ciara: Let’s fuck!
Russell: I’ll pass.

Having gotten this close to his ultimate goal, I applaud Russ for having the good sense to call Marshawn Lynch in to fuck her instead.

Could’ve been worse. Ben Stiller’s been trapped in a museum franchise for like ten years now.

-Oscar’s Legs

guy didn't have a leg to stand on

For all his difficulties with his fellow players during his career, I’m finding post-retirement, post-American steroid freakout, post-return to baseball Barry Bonds to be a revelation. He offers legitimate insights into both player dynamics and the technical side of baseball elements, and genuinely seems to be…

Yes.

The only explanation is the cop let a local “celebrity” get away with a DWI, right?

That swamp is the #7 entertainment destination in Jacksonville.

“Robinson apparently refused to leave the car because he thought he was still on the road...” This is more a testament to the comfort and suspension of American cars than it is to his cluelessness.

This guy is the worst, please stop talking about him.

This will probably make me sound like a truther here, but I don’t know many 38 year olds whose fathers served in WWII. If his dad was 18 at the end of the war, he’d have been a minimum of 50 when fathering this runt. I don’t want to say he’s lying, but perhaps embellishing?

Hample: [turns on faucet in bathtub]

I got 11 balls today

I got 11 balls today and gave 10 away . . . . Please everyone, calm down.

This guy is also an attentionhawk, and you are feeding him.

Wow. Never seen a Jordan impersonator pull off both 23 and 45 simultaneously.

Who named that bald eagle Chinook? Why doesn’t he get a real American name? Sad!

He saw what we did to Harambe. This bald eagle is no fool.