"Man I miss being fisted by that bear. The 70's were a helluva time. A helluva time..."

I think Kermit’s stress eating makes the 30 Rock reference rather explicit.

Also, the references in the old Muppets were largely baked into the characters, but over the years those inherent references have kind of dropped away leaving the characters to stand alone. For example, Animal is unmistakably a reference to Keith Moon - and all that implies. Janice is a super stoned hippie. Rowlf is…

One of the characters in the band, though. You just know that band is loaded with wastoids - shit, Janice is quite clearly stoned through every scene she’s ever been in.

Unlike the enlightened, fully self-actualized humans who base their entire lives and all of their opinions on a thick stack of papers containing a bunch of stories written by bronze age nomads and ancient cultists. Totally makes sense.

I’ve done diets like that and lost weight while still eating a shit ton of calories. The fly in the analytical ointment is that I also cut out booze while on those diets, which likely accounts for a pretty damned impressive quantity of calories.

Considering that most avocados are grown in Mexico, they may very well be literal gifts from Jesus.

But, Sex Robot is pretty much insatiable.

Yes, Jimmy Carter. The 39th president, who, among other things, is known for having “committed adultery in [his] heart many times." Look it up. Dang kids...

Yup. It's like the old "sell a rube a bag of oregano" scam.

Take it easy, Jimmy Carter. I cheat in my head 45-50 times a day and I guarantee my wife does as well. And no, it's nowhere near as bad.

Well, he certainly wasn't drafted.

What smells like shoe polish?

Well, I stand more than crouch, but I certainly don’t squash my cheeks together. Jesus, maybe this only works because I don’t have an enormous ass.

Yup. It's crazy. I'm a stander and when I learned that sitters exist a few weeks ago, I tried it. Did not work. Do not understand.

Pssst! Dont’ tell anyone about this, but I have a secret that works great: I don't drink soda at all. I thought that maybe I'd get in trouble if I didn't, but nobody's gotten in my face about it yet.

Fucking corn nuts. Someone behind me was eating corn nuts. And breathing. Pretty sure that's justifiable homicide.

My elderly parents (inexplicably) love random talking toys. Seriously, every time I visit, they have a new plush squirrel that sings wild thing or gorilla that giggles and sings "Macarena." It drives their poor dog around the bend, too, which they also find hilarious.

I’m not up on my pro football strategy and terminology, so could you enlighten me as to what “the most male way” to win a football game is and how it differs from the other, less male, ways? I can only guess it involves jizzing on the football, but I assume you’ll enlighten me if that’s incorrect.

He's not, which is why he wants everyone else to be.