The CIA had him pushing too many pencils.

"Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of popcorn and a look on his face like 'I'm gonna enjoy this shit'."

"Libraries. Not just for pornography on the kiosk computers anymore."

To Steal This Bookingbird

"One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a left shark."

This is great news for Xerox

What do you expect from her two heirs, Knavish Lee and Menacing Lee?

To Deny A Summer Cabin

I bet you're raven mad.

Or Sir Stuart Scott.

Is it too late to send him a card?

You know what else I wish was a fake trailer?

Grumpy Old Footmen

Christopher Plummer is playing a vintage neo-Nazi.

More like 210 second sound barriers, amirite?

Good morning, Matt!
Good morning, Katie!
Good morning, to everyone at home!

"Commissioned by Catfish producers Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman under their Supermarché imprint" is the worst sentence opener of all time.

Droll enough for you?

Ranks up there with Naked Lunch in terms of false advertising.

On the twenty-third day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places…Kim's Video Store.