So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is un-dateable?

You're giving me the "It's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "It's not you, it's me." Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me.

I'm a recovering germaphobe. Ten years.

She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce, but it's not a meal, you know?

Nobody beats me, because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!

I'm part of popular culture now.

Jerry, I'm telling you, this phone sex thing is hilarious.

Well, I believe there's some legal precedent - Winchell vs. Mahoney, the Charlie McCarthy hearings…

Apparently Peggy - down in Design? - got into a little bit of a tiff yesterday with somebody named "Susie."

Nobody has B.O. like this.

Well, actually, he, um, doesn't really like to do…everything.

Where I come from, we don't say, “What?” It's proper to say, “Pardon?”

You know, that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.

I was a fantastic beard. I held hands. I called him "honey."

I'm gonna need three cameras: two on the floor, one in the balcony. And I want headsets for the guys running them.

An eighteen-wheeler's no good. Too much overhead. You got permits, weigh-stations, tolls…look, you're way out of your league.

Rusty!

I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but it’s business as usual at Kramerica.

I want to learn. I want to know why.

He could've had any woman in the world, but none could match the beauty of his own hand.