My father's gay!

Three dates and she still won't let me play with her toys.

It is not me that has been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!

I've seen her eat corn niblets, but she scooped them.

This is BOGUS, man!

What is this? What are we doing? What in god's name are we doing?!

A lesser man would have crumbled. They would have gone for the dish and the sure-fire sexual-harassment suit.

Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Pacino?

That is one magic loogie.

You a big DRINKER, George?

I'm class CHAMPION.

I just got a brand new Armani suit - doesn't fit me anymore. You want it?

Yeah, that's right.

♫
Master of the House.
Quick to catch your eye.
Never wants a passerby to pass him by.
♫

I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

I've never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from a TV.

You saying you want a piece of me?

No, I can't take it. I can't take it, Jerry. It's too much! It's too much!!

I like sports.

They always make me take stock of my life, and how I've pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting it.