What Mitchell forgets is that the Browns have always been tired of winning.

I thought that was the inauguration crowd. My mistake.

Not the first time today I’ve seen the Browns leave streaks around the lower bowl while circling the drain.

Well, here’s some totally uninformed counterpoints if they helps you get over this:

You are assuming they are telling him everything and not outright lying to him.

If there were aliens known to the US government, 45 would be privy to the information, and he would have blurted it out by now.

Please let me keep believing that Rich Eisen is a good dude.

Not to mention the Network is the primary medium through which the league commits the mass ocular assault that is Thursday Night Football.

I’m pretty sure that if someone told me to keep their name out of my mouth, I’d respond by saying it over and over, for days on end.

You won’t have to. His ex-Marine wife will do it for you.

I don’t believe in much any more, but if Kurt Warner gets dragged into this, I’m burning the motherfucker down

So basically the rumors that I’m starting that Skipper is secretly a Furry and only got into the sports media world to get closer to professional mascots, which are, as any Furry could tell you, the Holy Grail of Furry Fucks, are true.

This is quite a shock, since there has been virtually no substance at ESPN for many years now.

Substance = dirty underwear of female employees

Is it enough to just ball these days though, or must one now big ball?

When asked for his opinion on the situation, Russell Wilson glanced around nervously and pissed his pants before discussing the Seahawks positive locker room culture.

I just need somewhere to put this

Richardson was apparently very disappointed to learn he had to sell the whole team rather than each player individually.

Bridgewater’s injury made his teammates cry and puke when they witnessed it. If that’s not gruesome, I don’t know what is.

They almost had to amputate his leg...