20 cents to roughly $20, a 100x increase,

crazy to think that someday we will all crawl into that huge pink mouth and huddle behind the shattered and tilted peaks of his teeth along the rolling wet hills of his McDonald’s-impacted gum line as he leaps, naked, out into space on a trajectory set for Earth 2, a quivering savior hurtling spread eagle through the…

Life was an entire movie about people making the absolute worst possible decisions in every situation they found themselves in. They’re neck and neck with the crew of the Prometheus for the title of “Dumbest Scientists in History”

“Maybe he winds up there doing dribbles while a dude screams into a megaphone next to him.”

I don’t know what you’ve been yanking on, buddy, but horses don’t have udders.

You know what scifi means right.....?

Valid points. But what if they were free?

I live in New York, I am a consumer and lover of New York pizza but people around here are very elitist about their pizza.

This seems innocuous and I’m sure people assume there’s plenty of time to fully recover from a sprained ankle before the season starts, but I sprained my ankle pretty bad once during baseball practice when I was in high school and now I’m old and fat and I drink too much and hate my job and have this overwhelming…

You’re lucky. I have super-fine, straight hair that becomes greasy and clumps together if I don’t shampoo it daily. And before one of the BRO YOU DON’T REALLY NEED TO WASH YOUR HAIR people chime in, I’ve done week-long camping trips and such where I actually haven’t washed it for 7 days straight, and it only becomes…

Absolutely not. It’s a giant orb with an annihilation beam that explodes planets. It’s completely different.

And people eat it up as evidenced by whoever is clapping. “Fuck yea I’m seeing a wreck!”

Is there any worse place to be hungover than IKEA?

Hell being a Thursday Night Football game with the Dolphins vs Ravens

Fuck, now Roy Moore is going to run for Senator of Montana, too.

Guys on each team taken off the field for head injuries, one guy potentially paralyzed, countless flags on penalties the average viewer can’t see, more commercials than football...

Whose Disgusting Football Chin Isn’t This?

Good idea.

You work for Hulu?

Ah, of the Newport Shitfuckers?