Yea I mean at this point, I’m convinced that if there’s an Ebola outbreak and Biden goes on TV to tell people not to eat infected monkey meat, a solid 30-40% of the country will actively seek out infected monkey meat and host ebola play dates to build natural immunity

There will be another pandemic. It’s not a matter of if but when. Despite all of our practice, this country is going to do so much worse the next time. It’s shameful, and I hope the aliens won’t lump me in with the dinguses. 

Weird. If only there was some sort of way we could have all known this company was run by a bunch of giant douchebags.

Oh please yes let's get a trans dude with a self-deprecating sense of humor to say the quiet part loud about guns as penis substitutes!

We need a trans person to snag a sponsorship deal with a gun manufacturer. That’ll get all the wingnuts to get rid of their guns.

I find myself wishing that the jury could find on behalf of the court system and the public, and hold both parties financially responsible.

People are mad at Paltrow for promoting bullshit wellness as a means of her rationalizing her own insecurities and making a shit ton of money of doing so. Paltrow and those like her fear being fat so they promote lies about safe and accessible foods. They need to rationalize their orthorexia. That is why all the…

This is the way to do civil disobedience and non violent resistance. Genius. Their lawsuit is about to drive millions of viewers to watch Lemon Pound Cake. 

I wouldn’t hold your breath. They’re going to pull the “She’s young and made a mistake,” or “She’s experiencing ____ mental illness,” or some combination of the two. For her demographic I don’t expect many consequences.
She’ll be on Faux news in a week fake crying on camera.

Betty, Archie, & Veronica

“...the most trusted institution on Earth. The Catholic church!”

Not the first time a company has accidently produced Johnson-shaped candies:

Chicks with dicks

I guess they know that reference of “Eat a Bag of D!ks” !

There’s no reason to adapt, though. We should just use Standard Time all year. We don’t need sunlight until 10pm in the summer.

While I agree with the sentiment, the science says that we should remain on standard time, not daylight:

Well, we’re waiting!

Imagine being proud that your idiot son isn’t smart enough to use birth control.  

Hey, antirust protections are important. You don’t want that rust just creeping around everywhere...

Imagine flexing about your higher teenage pregnancy rates.