This line is good as hell.

So you only work in absolutes. Relativism has no place in the work force? Got it.

Ironically, there are probably a lot of white Vikings fans who are right now wishing he had just taken a knee.

Some perspective on how historic this is:

Eh....I think this is only an issue because oversensitive liberal white folk who can’t use those words don’t understand using words like that to make jokes about yourself or just saying the words in general without censoring ourselves because we can. Remember all the clutched pearls over the president saying ‘nigger’?…

Way to blow a great marketing opportunity, Razer!

This is the Cubs year:

Macs are PCs that run the MacOS flavor of UNIX.

Fortunately for my kids—and for my fine china-delicate peace of mind, believe you me—Vin, our mailman, the best Highlights delivery machine imaginable, recovered from his recent bout with lockjaw. Of course, there’s no bringing Li’l Cujo–who knew a name could spell out one’s fate so precisely? –back from the…

Hey Russell, here’s an idea to avoid ties. Throw for a fucking touchdown.

I mean I’m 30 something and I have a kid, but I’m only applying for law school. So you’re technically correct (which is the best kind of correct).

Toronto Titans has a nice ring to it.

Booker T was the 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time WCW champion, sucka!

Matthew 27:29: And they twisted together a sombrero of gold and put it on His head. They put a bat in His right hand and knelt down before Him to mock Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Mets!”

I can’t believe the Carolina Panthers are 0-5

In some parallel universe, breast cancer survivors wear Cleveland Browns ribbons.

Browns are putting the 0-16 in 2016.