Yo dawg, Captain America: Civil War heard that you like superhero movies, so it installed several pleasantly extraneous superhero movies in your superhero movie so you could watch more superhero movies during your superhero movie. It is the Pizza Box, the Double Down, the Quesarito of the form. Prepare to unhinge…

Hello darkness, my old friend

Jesus, this is terrible. Just terrible. Prince is dead. There’s no way to wrap your arms, or your head, around it. Just pick a moment and fixate. Like that time he burned “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” to the ground.

So Snapchat has chosen to celebrate 4/20 with a totally advisable Bob Marley filter that gives you blackface and dreadlocks. They’ll be pulling it and humbly apologizing any time now; I am typing this as fast as I can. Anyway, here are some experiments I’ve conducted. Thank you for your time, which I realize is…

Ah, Christ, Merle Haggard died, shit. On his 79th birthday. He was one of the greats. You know this for two reasons. First off, objectively, he just was, an acerbic and jovially iconoclastic teller of hard truths and winsome lies, a prickly charmer and actual outlaw (he once attended a Johnny Cash concert in San…

My son’s birthday party is tomorrow. He’s turning five. I’m supposed to dress like Darth Vader and surprise all the kids, because “Darth Vader likes birthdays, and is nice to people when it’s their birthday.” As you can see, we bought a mask and a cape and a shirt and a lightsaber and everything; this party has gotten…

A fun thing you could do during the two and a half hours you spend watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is count the number of times some rando blurts out something like “It’s uninhabited!” or “It’s after five, so downtown’s nearly empty right now!” whilst Batman and/or Superman throw various bad guys (and/or…

Ten years! It’s true. And it’s equally true that Yung Washcloth has never been topped. Let this give you all something to aspire to in Twitter’s second decade.

What the world needs now is a great Kanye West song: no less and please, God, no more. Enough with the delays, the obfuscations, the feuds, the amusing tantrums misidentified as unhinged rants, the legit unmisidentifiable social-media disasters. It’s exhausting. He’s exhausting. We’re exhausted. To quote Thoreau:…

Can we start with “Under Pressure”? Is that too obvious? Eh, who cares. We’re starting with “Under Pressure.” Get a load of the a capella version, man. Two Top 5 all-time rock singers howling into the void until the void retreats in terror and awe. This song owns.

You could’ve seen this LCD Soundsystem reunion business coming if you’d looked hard enough—if you’d looked anywhere, in fact, for any length of time and with any degree of hardness. Hell, it was obvious to anyone who watched the full-length feature film devoted to their alleged final show, a Madison Square Garden…

So I’m standing in line at Taco Bell sometime in the early 2000s, and up at the counter they’ve got a TV showing us security-camera footage of ourselves, and that’s how I catch sight of the hulking, disheveled, terrifying man looming directly behind me. He is the size of 3.5 normal people, even in this nacho-rich…

You have two very specific questions about The Revenant, and we’ll get to those, promise. But first, let us discuss the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio, playing a über-badass 19th-century American outdoorsman, flees a party of bloodthirsty Native Americans, rides his horse off a cliff, lands in a giant Christmas tree,…

13. “We’ve got company.”

The thing about being a rock star in the ’90s is you had to act like you hated being a rock star, and this is where Scott Weiland made his first mistake. As frontman for Stone Temple Pilots, whose 1992 debut Core was an instant Columbia House Hall of Famer, he swaggered and sashayed and preened and performed in an era…

Look, I’ll just tell you exactly how this is gonna go down. So Super Bowl Sunday 2016, it’ll be Panthers-Patriots, obviously, and when halftime comes around, the Panthers will be up, oh, let’s say between 60 and 80 points, and then Coldplay will do a little set.

Oh, hell yes. This is a real thing, and it will be amazing.

Missy Elliott’s thrilling and frustrating slow-motion comeback continues apace. This year she’s popped up intermittently on the arms of Janet Jackson, the Skrillex/Diplo confluence unwisely known as Jack Ü, and Katy Perry via her Super Bowl extravaganza, where Missy upstaged everyone except maybe Left Shark. But a new…