While I see social media handles (in the unlikely event the vast majority ever had one) to be useful, it would be unreasonable that an actual bad guy would ever tell the truth about them. The whole list combined just looks like a solid screen of “NOPE”.

Why do you hate America?

Pretty much zero sympathy here. People on Faecebook etc. essentially put their faces on daily billboards, knowing very clearly that their asses are hanging out.

Any colonies on the sunny side would be baked with radiation of all sorts 24 hours every day, since it doesn’t even have an atmosphere.

Seems legit.

And you have an especially appropriate user name for this post. Just sayin...

I was hoping that with enough fiber, they could recycle the astronauts’ poops into bricks, much like mud-straw logs or something. Now I’m sad.

They look like adorable little peanut candies, and I’m betting they would taste pretty good with a little deep-frying.

Seriously. It’s like they’ve gone full Buzzfeed.

Carl? Is that you?

Oh, look, a tumblrina.

B-b-but MEN!

Just keep a couple of these puppies around. They can deal with the coconuts AND the raccoons.

W-willard?

Sir David is my favourite English superhero.

Oh, no worries there. The Sweden you’re thinking of is stone dead.

“cant people have opinions?”

Seems legit. I mean, the ape’s eyes reflected all of those things.

Also, I’m pretty sure I laughed way too hard at that. Good job. :-)